1. Never give yourself a diaper change after three margaritas ... or a good session with Baby time.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape ... which ever one makes the biggest mess.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. Some people don't even wear a diaper!!
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm than to get your hinny spanked by mommy later.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her... Believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
9. Never pass up an opportunity to wet your diaper / pullups / panties / or the bed.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance to be a good baby!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is a dirty 4 letter word that small children and babies should have their mouth washed out for using.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends....You never know when you are going to need them to change you and give you a bath.