Dear Diary

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Dear Diary

Postby LilJennie » Wed May 08, 2019 8:54 pm

Dear Diary

By LilJennie and Miki Yamuri

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Dear Diary,

So today I'm starting my new job! As you know, I wasn't sure at all that I'd
get it, but after working at that horrible dollar store for a year I tried
applying for just about anything, and there were all those interviews while I
was trying to keep my life together while dealing with Russ and all of his
crap, and with Andrea and Mark and the rest of those people that I hope I never
see again. It's hard to believe -- that's now my old job. I don't work there
anymore. This time, well, I'm still working retail, but at least it's a better
store, it's downtown, and there's some sales in it too, so I can maybe advance?
Anyway, I'm going to give it my best try! I hope I get off at the right bus
stop.

Love,

Riley

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Monday, April __, 20__

I will be starting on Nick's new novel today. I swear that man has never met a
comma he didn't like. But his books sell, and that pays my salary, so it
behooves me to make sure they don't go to the printer looking like a fourth
grader wrote them. And, were it not for me, they would. My therapist would be
happy to know that I remembered to give myself credit, even if my name never
appears on book covers.

After work there's supposed to be some kind of party. Julie's boyfriend of five
years finally asked her to marry him, and I'm very happy for her, but it's
Monday night. What was she thinking? Well, I'm her friend, so I'm going to show
her that I'm happy for her by staying long enough for her to notice I'm there.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

So it looks like Jimmy at work is getting engaged? To his girlfriend who I just
found out was named Julie? Their names both start with J, so that is fun! But
anyway they're having a party tonight, and I'm invited, even though I just met
him and have never met her. I don't know if I wanna go. I don't like parties a
lot. People drink and stuff. I don't like that. They get loud and sometimes
scary. But maybe they won't do that much because it's Monday night and
everybody has work in the morning.

Anyway, I'm on the bus on the way to the party now. It's kind of out of the
middle of town, where apartments aren't as expensive. But it's annoying getting
there on the bus -- I already had to change buses once! I think that's the only
change, though.

I wish I didn't have to go anywhere tonight. I don't like coming home late
because it's dark and scary. But also I just wanted to go home and wrap myself
up in a blanket and watch something silly on TV or silly internet videos with
cats or something. Well maybe if I don't stay very long I can still do that.

Love,

Riley

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Monday, April __, 20__

I had to wait for the bus for longer than usual. Perhaps I just missed the
previous one. I was lucky to find the only remaining seat, in the exact last
row. There is barely room for me to use my tablet.

Some blonde girl named Riley is sitting next to me and keeps asking me what I'm
doing. I'm telling her that I'm editing something. That's not a lie. I'm
editing this journal entry. But she's very curious and wants to know more. Is
she attracted to me? I mean, stranger things have happened, but not to me. Not
for far too long. She is not bad looking herself, but please keep that to
yourself. Oh, there I go again, personifying my journal as if I'm writing to a
real person.

I think Riley may have just started a new job today. She says she's going to
some sort of party for a coworker she just met today -- he apparently invited
everyone from his department, even Riley. Was that a good idea? I don't think I
would have done that. Riley may also write a journal, because I see her writing
on a tablet as well. Interesting.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

This woman named Rose came and sat next to me on the bus on the way to the
party. I think it may have been the only seat left, or maybe not, I'm not
sure. Anyway she's writing on a tablet like I am and I think she might have a
diary too! She says she's an editor and she's editing something, like for work,
but I'm not sure I believe her. Well, she's editing something.

I think we might be going to the same party? She said some details about it,
like it's an engagement party and it's about a coworker who's a girl -- not
that it limits it a lot, but Jimmy's marrying a girl and their engagement party
is tonight and we're on the same bus, so what are the chances?

Maybe I will get to talk to Rose more somewhere that isn't a bus! I don't know
why, but I think that would be really cool!

Love,

Riley

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Monday, Apr __, 20__

I went to the party. Wasn't all that much fun. Most of the people there were
rather tipsy shortly after I got there. The bride did enjoy the musical
selection I gave them as an engagement gift. Made sure all of the packaging and
ribbon was blue. I believe that is customary, but I'm not certain. It could be
that that is for weddings. At any rate, I know Julie likes blue, so I'm hedging
my bets.

It turned out that that Riley girl was going to the same party. I am afraid
that I find her cute, and I say that because she does seem quite naive in her
thinking. She also seems to be dressed rather ... young. She was uncertain
whether to drink any alcohol until I reminded her that she most likely had to
work tomorrow, and she would probably want to continue to make a good first
impression since it will only be her second day. But she understood immediately
and was very appreciative. This makes me think that I might have found a
friend. We have each other's email addresses.

We did manage to ride the same bus until I got off. She kept asking about what
I was editing. She seems to be a very nice girl, although as I said, a bit
naive in her thinking, but other than that quite likeable.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Rose got off the bus, and I have a while before I have to transfer to another
one, so I thought of writing some more. Rose is so awesome! Some of the other
people at the party were drinking -- you know, drinking drinking, not just soda
pop. I wasn't sure whether I should or not, but Rose stepped in and reminded me
that I have work tomorrow and it's only my second day and I should probably get
some rest and not show up hungover? That's such a good idea! I mean, I guess I
might have thought of that too, but maybe not?

Rose is very smart and also very caring. I mean, we just met, but she wanted to
make sure I didn't make a bad choice. That means she's a good person, I
think. She's also super pretty, and I'm writing a lot about her, aren't I? I
mean, I hope Jimmy and Julie have a good wedding when the time comes, sure, but
I barely know Jimmy, and I've already talked to Rose more than I've talked to
him. And Julie seems nice. I'm sure they'll be happy.

But maybe I'll be able to get home and wrap up in a blankie and watch cat
videos! Or maybe I should only do that a little bit. Rose would probably say
that I need to go to bed so I get plenty of sleep so I won't be late for
work. OK. Only a few cat videos.

Love,

Riley

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Tuesday, April __, 20__

Riley emailed me last night. She said she imagined that I would have told her
to go to bed early rather than watching cats, whatever that meant. I didn't see
the email until this morning, but I feel strange. I did not expect that someone
would be happy to take my advice and even internalize it somewhat.

At work I am paid to give advice about writing, and that advice, though usually
heeded, is also not usually received with joy. At best it is accepted
mechanically out of necessity, with some words of gratitude for a job well
done. At worst, well, the less said about that the better. It is ... refreshing
for my guidance to be accepted enthusiastically, I suppose I should say. I find
myself caring about the choices Riley makes, wanting to ensure they are good
ones ... and wanting her to be grateful again.

I am probably thinking about her more than is to be expected. What is
happening?

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Rose didn't email me back last night, but she did this morning. Maybe she went
to bed early like I should have. But she said that she liked it that I was
imagining what she would have said. This is kinda weird. It's like she said
stuff like Mom would have ... or maybe should have ... and I liked it. Kind of
a lot. And I kind of want her to do it again. What's that all about?

I once read a book about codependent relationships. I know that they can happen
even just between friends. I don't want that to happen -- that's not healthy,
and the book said so! But ... maybe there's a way for what I want to happen
without it being bad?

OK, I did it. I looked online for wanting someone to be my mom. But all I got
was all kinds of new-age and therapy-like stuff about making peace with your
mother, either for real or in spirit, lots of stuff about people who didn't
have a very good relationship with their mothers. So I guess all that makes
sense, even maybe for me, but it's not telling me what I want.

What do I want?

Love,

Riley

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Wednesday, April __, 20__

Dear Diary,

Little Miss Riley emailed me at lunch today. Apparently she wants to know if we
could go to the mall Saturday morning and shop. She has even invited me to
lunch. I'm not quite sure what's going on with this, but I feel somehow ... I
guess the word is protective. I'm not sure about these feelings I'm having. I
guess I could talk with her more about that at lunch.

With love,

Rose

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Dear Diary

OMG!!! Rose actually agreed to go shopping with me at the mall on Saturday, and
to lunch. Humm ... don't think I would want to eat at the food court, something
a bit more upscale maybe ... like Miki's Deep Dish Pizza ... or Jennie's Diner
for roast beef.

I know just what I'm going to wear too. I think that cute little sundress with
the straps will go perfect. Hope it isn't too short, though. Humm .. no matter.

Love,

Riley

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Friday, April __, 20__

I am not sure what I have done. Riley told me over the phone that she was going
to wear a very short sundress to the mall tomorrow, and I told her that she
shouldn't. I worry about her. There are terrible people out there, and she
shouldn't wear anything too terribly revealing. Now, I know that if anything
happened, it wouldn't be her fault, no matter what she was wearing, but as I
said, I worry about her.

She was very quiet for a moment. I thought I had made her angry. It's so hard
to tell when all I can hear is her voice. I don't know her that well yet. But
she was very quiet and said that she would try to do better and she hoped I
wasn't mad at her. Mad at her! As if I could be, after that. My heart melted
right there and then. I felt terrible. I don't even remember what I told her --
I just wanted her to be happy again.

She was just so terribly afraid that she'd disappointed me somehow. Talking to
her is really like talking to a little child -- sometimes. By now I know,
though, that she is actually quite intelligent and reads a lot. She can do far
better than that retail job she has. She seems to have an emotional need,
though, and it makes her very childlike in her behavior around me for some
reason. But perhaps that's because I respond to it -- and perhaps I respond to
it because it awakens something I need as well.

At any rate, one of the things I must have told her was that it was OK that she
dress any way she like, as long as she was extra careful, and she promised she
would be. We are meeting at the mall tomorrow morning.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Saturday, April __, 20__

I am so excited! Rose and me are going to actually go shopping together. I
decided against the jumper and decided to go with the Smock Top and those cute
little bottoms that go so well with it. That looks just like a sunsuit I had
when I was a little girl.

I even have the perfect little sox and tennis shoes. Humm ... think I'll wear
the ones with Tweety Bird on them. I look very nice for our little outing. I do
so hope she likes it.

Got a little secret >>whispers<< I'm wearing a pair of my disposable undies
just in case. I don't do that often, but as you know, sometimes I have problems
when I don't know how far away the bathroom is. Of course I'll look at the sign
when I go inside, but right now I don't know where the bathrooms are in this
mall. Makes my butt a bit poofy, but I would rather feel very safe than
sorry. Never know how easy to get to or close a potty is.

Love

Riley <3

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Friday, April __, 20__

I'm on the bus now, on the way to the mall. Riley sent me an e-mail a few
minutes ago saying she's on her way too. I do so hope she is ok. I seem to have
this strange desire to take care of her and make sure she's safe. That's
... new for me too. Maybe ... I don't know. It might be too soon to ask Riley
to talk about something like that now. Have to play it by ear.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

OMG! Rose bought me a drink and sat me down to wait for her and, and ... let me
start over.

We met at the east entrance, and she was there early waiting for me, and I got
off the bus and went in, and there she was. She talked about work a bit but
then stopped. I talked about this amazing video I saw online -- it's animated
and has a cat person and they have adventures and it's really good even though
just one person made it. Rose smiled a lot.

During this we walked past a bunch of shops and looked at the clothes in the
windows. Rose likes some very pretty styles. But so do I! Maybe our idea of
pretty is different, though. Anyway, I told her it's hard to get the styles I
like in my size and pointed out some of the things that I wish I could fit into
-- the stuff the kids wear, mostly. It's not fair they only make that stuff so
small.

Anyway, we made it to the food court, and Rose asked if I was hungry, but I
wasn't -- I was thirsty, though, and I said so. So she got me a flavored fizzy
water thing and a straw and then! She just kind of sat me down in a chair with
it and told me to drink it and not to move. She had to go to the bathroom, but
I didn't. I forgot to check where they were when I came in! I just realized!
Anyway she went away, so here I am, feeling like a little kid who's been put in
a high chair with a sippy cup, and that feeling isn't bad!

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

Riley's taste in clothes is certainly ... unusual. She continually laments
clothes for small children that aren't made in her size. I suspect she isn't
really aware that the ones she's pointing out are the largest sizes made in
those styles. Is that really in fashion right now? I suspect it isn't really.

I found that I had to use the bathroom, but Riley didn't have to. We'd reached
the food court by this time. I had a strange impulse, as if I couldn't trust
her to stay where I could find her. So I got her a drink to occupy her and got
her to sit at an unoccupied table. She agreed to stay there until I returned.

When I did, she hadn't moved from the spot. So I said she was a very good
girl. That's what I said. "A very good girl." I'm not sure what possessed me to
say that. I said it like I was talking to a three-year-old. She blushed a lot
and smiled, so I hope that means she didn't mind. I gave her my hand to help
her up, and after that she just kind of kept holding onto my hand and following
after me like a small child, with her drink in the other hand. It's good that
she had her purse across her body. We looked at more stores but didn't go into
any yet. I'm not sure I've seen anything I want, and Riley keeps saying how
what she wants isn't in her size.

She's like a little child, and I don't know if I want to take care of a child
instead of having a relationship with another adult. This is confusing. Because
I do want to take care of Riley. I realize that now. But I know she isn't
really a child. She seems to like it very much when I treat her like one,
though.

At any rate, Riley finished her water, and then she said she had to go to the
"potty." That is not language I would have expected to hear from a grown woman,
but by now it's hardly surprising to hear Riley say it. I had an urge to ask
her if she wanted help, but I didn't know whether that would be appropriate. I
showed her where they were and told her that I would be right here, on this
bench nearby, when she came back. She almost ran down the short hallway to the
bathroom, and I think she said something about hoping she wouldn't "wet her
pullup." This is very confusing, I say again.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Saturday, April __, 20__

Dear Diary,

This is soooo embarrassing. Rose and me actually walked around the mall holding
hands> OMG!! I felt so ... I don't know .. I really liked it. I had to go potty
so bad suddenly. Rose actually took me to the potty and waited on me. I soooo
wanted her to ask if I wanted her to help. Not sure if that would have been
appropriate, but I sorta want her to know.

Then again, we just met. Rose makes me feel sooo much like a little girl I
can't help myself. I know ... when we get back home I'll put on my snuggle bug
romper. I know she'll think that's cute.

With much love

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

Riley came back from the bathroom. I just realized she actually has on a diaper
or something. Now I understand the pullups remark. OMG! Riley really is a
child. I have such mixed and intense feelings for her. She has melted my heart
in so many ways.

Then we found a store that had some things that were precisely what she would
like. I saw a knit hat with cat ears, and a backpack with one of those Japanese
characters on it. I guess it kind of looks like a cat? Anyway, it's very pink
and white and yellow, and I pointed both of these items out to her. Now she's
running around the store like, well, a kid in a toy store.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

I think I might've said something about wetting my undies, or not wanting to
anyway, on my way into the bathroom. I didn't mean to. I hope Rose didn't hear
me or she'll think I'm some kind of baby! I'm so embarrassed!

Anyway, after that we found this shop that had all kinds of wonderful cute
things for adults, or probably teens, but the point is that they're big enough
for me! Rose actually pointed out this adorable white nekomimi hat and a Sanrio
backpack, and I found some shoes with the same character on them too -- I
wanted to buy a lot more things, but I know I can't afford it. Well, not right
now. There can be more trips in the future this way!

I put them all on right away after paying for them -- I put my other shoes in
my new backpack. Rose has this happy but kind of confused look on her face as
we walk through the mall hand in hand. I hope that's good? Anyway, I told her
how happy I was, and she said she was very happy too! I think I might have
skipped through the mall as we went. Rose wanted to go in a store and now she's
at the makeup counter. She said that she's low on her favorite lipstick and
foundation so this is a good time to get more. That's how I have time to write
this.

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

Riley asked me to come to her apartment, as she wants to change clothes. I
wonder if ... she might need help doing that. I feel so weird even thinking
about this ... but ... somehow it seems so right.

Will have to get back to you after on that ...

Wow, here I am personifying my journal again. I must be very distracted. We're
now on the bus going to her place. The way she seems so childlike, I'm half
expecting it to be a total mess. Am I going to have to tell her to clean her
room?

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Well, I did it. I asked Rose to come back to my place. Being out in public is
tiring, even though being with Rose makes it better. I'm wondering if I left my
coloring book out on the coffee table.

We're on the bus, and Rose is doing something on her tablet. There are words. I
guess she could be doing work, but I think she has a diary too. But I'm not
going to look because that would be rude.

Looks like Rose lives in the middle of town, and I live kinda outside the
middle of town in one direction, and Jimmy and Julie live in another
direction. Anyway, Rose is checking to make sure how she gets home from my
apartment. Rose is always thinking ahead! She's lots better at adulting than I
am. Or maybe she just doesn't hate being an adult.

Whimpers,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

We got to Riley's apartment. I was amazed at how clean and tidy most things
are. I did notice a coloring book on the coffee table. It's an adorable Sponge
Ralph meets Rugs Dunny Rabbit. Most of the living and dining areas are fairly
nice looking. I do notice a place down the hall that looks like it has toys
scattered all over. I suppose I have to tell my child to pick up her toys. Ha!

She said she was going to change into her usual street clothes and would be
back in just a bit.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Am sitting on my bed writing to you. I put on one of my cute night time
pullups and my Snuggle Bug romper. It's cute and yellow with periwinkle lace
all over. I looked in the mirror and only thing I think is missing is pony
tails. That was quick and easy.

I so hope Rose isn't offended. I do very much look like a toddler. Well .. I
suppose I am inside and just pretending to be an adult. >>sighs<< I hope Rose
isn't freaked out about how I look.

Guess it's time to find out. Wish me luck

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

I need ... a moment. Riley came out of her bedroom dressed in some kind of
outfit that only a child would wear. Only it's adult sized. It's one of those
things that's like a top and shorts in one piece; what's that called? A romper,
I guess? I've never been interested in that style. For myself, at least. Hers
is yellow with some lace trim and it has some kind of cartoon character
applique on the front.

She really is a toddler. I smiled and made what I hope were pleased
remarks. But she's got an inner child that isn't so "inner," doesn't she? I
mean, we were all kids once, but most of us grow out of that, don't we?

Anyway, I said I had to freshen up, so here I am in Riley's bathroom writing
down my feelings -- what are my feelings, anyway? Well, what kind of trauma
must she have gone through to be so broken? Or ... is she broken? How much do I
really know about her? Is she dangerous? I don't believe that. She's done
nothing to suggest that she means harm to anyone.

Oh my heavens. She's a poor little child who needs someone, some kind of
emotional support, and my heart goes out to her, poor thing. She's like an
orphan, all alone in the world -- well, I suppose she must have family, mustn't
she? So much I don't know. But if she does ... would she be like this?

That does it. She needs ... something. I want to help. I'll figure it out.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

I DUNNO WHAT I AM FEELING

Rose came out of the bathroom, she found my hair brush, she said she wanted to
do my hair, I kind of stuttered ok, and OMG SHE BRUSHED MY HAIR it felt so
wonderful and then she put my hair up in pigtails and I think the bottom fell
out of my world and I fell into a very nice soft small place.

I think I was sucking my thumb. I've never done that, well I must have but it's
been a long time because I don't remember. Rose said I should have a pacifier
if I'm going to do that and I melted right into a puddle all over again. A
pacifier? I never thought of it but it's a thing only babies and toddlers have
and if I had one then I'd be a baby or at least a toddler and I really really
want one so very very much please. I suppose it would be really small. Unless
they make them bigger? I guess you can find a lot of things on the Internet
because I just searched on my tablet and they do? For people called adult
babies? What is that?

Anyway Rose said I should have something to drink now and she said I should
have a sippy cup like a toddler AAAAAAAAAA what did I do to feel so good but
also so tiny but anyway she said she would do what she could so she is in the
kitchen and I think she found a no-spill travel bottle thing that I have. She's
coming back.

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

I love this small child that Riley is -- so adorably wonderful! I found a
travel cup with a top that was as close to a sippy cup as I could find. Riley
somehow still managed to drop it several times and dribbled. She seemed
embarrassed but also very relaxed. I hope I was sufficiently encouraging.

Then I asked her if she had a favorite TV show or movie that she liked. She
said My Little Pony, so I asked her if she had any of them that she wanted to
play. Her face lit up, and her eyes were very excited, and she gave me the
remote for her Internet TV box. I have one of these too, so I know how it
works. I asked her something like, "OK, Riley, I'm going to point at different
episodes, and you don't have to say any words, just nod a lot when I get to one
you like." And I scrolled through the episodes she had -- which was a lot! --
until she nodded and smiled, and her hair was bouncing all over in those
pigtails. I couldn't help laughing with her. Such joy!

There was an awkward moment as we figured out how to sit on her couch and watch
the show. We settled on her lying sideways with her head on my lap,
occasionally drinking from her cup, which I had refilled for her. The show was
actually well written, which I found somewhat surprising, but Riley was
entranced, even though I'm sure she had seen it before, probably many times.

But when it was over we got up because I wanted something to drink, and I
noticed a bit of a damp spot on Riley's romper. I wondered what to do, until
Riley looked and saw, turned as red as a beet, and started to stammer out an
explanation. I knew already -- she had gone into a very little space and had
not even realized when she had to pee. Her "pullups" had absorbed most of it,
but not quite all of it. She's even more of a toddler than I had realized --
which makes me feel pretty good about myself, really, because I was able to
make her so comfortable that she opened up that side of her to me to an amazing
degree. It's an incredible amount of trust she's showing me, and I'm just
awestruck.

Riley fidgeted embarrassedly until I insisted that we had to get her into some
dry panties and rinse her romper or it would stain. But Riley suddenly seemed
to snap back into adult mode and said she'd take care of it.

I was a bit disappointed, but also a bit relieved. We did just meet, after
all. I don't know where she keeps things around her place, so it isn't as if it
would have been a totally relaxing experience for her, always having to explain
everything to me. But then part of me wanted to tell her to just relax and I'd
take care of everything so she wouldn't have to worry and could just be Little
Riley.

I want her to be Little Riley for me. This is surprising, but it is so
wonderful to find such a happy surprise in life that I want it to keep
happening. I do have to sleep sometime, though.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Rose really gets it! I mean ... she gets what it means to be little and wants
me to be like that for her and really knows how to make me go all small and
stay that way.

Except ... she's really REALLY good at it. Um, I totally soaked my pullup while
watching a MLP episode and didn't even realize it. I drooled all over my travel
cup's lid, too, but that wasn't as bad. I leaked onto my Snuggle Bug romper but
didn't notice at all until it was over and Rose wanted to get up. I was SO
embarrassed.

Rose said some very calming things and said she wanted to help me find some dry
panties and stuff, but I guess I panicked. I ran back to my bedroom and took
care of things myself. I only have the one romper.

But really, she seemed as if she were perfectly OK with it ... it almost seems
as if she wants to encourage me to be even littler, though she didn't say that
exactly. That makes butterflies in my tummy to think of it. It's scary but also
wonderful.

I'd better go back out or she'll think I don't like her. I do like her soooo
much!

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, April __, 20__

Well, I'm on my way home for tonight. It was a wonderful day and evening, and I
told Riley that. She was very happy to hear that, and even happier when I said
I wanted to spend more time with her. She said she wanted to as well, and I'm
very sure she was telling the truth, because she was practically sparkling.

However, I told her that there would need to be some better planning for our
next night of fun. She needed to have more than one outfit, just in case, and
I'd take care of the rest. I don't know her measurements, so I'll have to leave
it to her to get her own clothes for now, but ... I feel as if I should take
care of her, at least to some extent. She would appreciate it, and I would feel
better about it.

I'm not going to search online for any of the things I'm looking for until I
get home, but I'm very curious about whether such things exist. I just don't
want someone on the bus seeing me looking that kind of thing up on a tablet in
public.

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Wow, what an evening! I was scared that I'd ruined it by wetting my pullups,
but Rose seemed to actually think it was a good thing! She said I should get
myself some more outfits -- well, she said one more outfit, but I'M GETTING
MORE THAN ONE BECAUSE. And she said that some other planning had to be done
before next time and that she'd take care of that. SHE SAID NEXT TIME!

I'm going to sigh dreamily for a while now. OK, there. We'll have to see when
next time is going to be. I'd love if she could come over again tomorrow
because it's Sunday, but is that too soon? I don't know. It might be.

I just got an email from her! Rose said it was lovely and she wants to do
something fun next weekend! I want to too, so I said so! She also said ... that
I should expect a package? She's going to have something sent to me? And she
hopes I don't mind? She's being mysterious!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, April __, 20__

Well, time for bed. I did some online searching. I wouldn't have thought that
anyone made baby-style disposable diapers for adults, but I guess there are
enough fetishists out there to make it profitable -- as well as people who
regress therapeutically, I suppose. At any rate, Riley needs something more
absorbent than those thin pullups she has, and something more appropriate
looking, too. It will help. I don't know what kind she likes best, and I think
a whole big case of diapers might frighten the poor thing, so I'm going with a
variety pack -- they have two of every brand they sell, so she can try them and
find out what kind she likes best. I'll have it delivered to her so I don't
have to lug it there next weekend.

Yes, next weekend! She replied to my email and said she wanted to do something
then. We'll email over the week about what to do. Meanwhile, there are things
that I'll be ordering that are small enough for me to carry there myself.

But for now, goodnight.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I've been emailing back and forth with Rose all week so far! It's only
Wednesday and I think we've been back and forth more than 10 times!

A package came! This must be what Rose said would come. She said I probably
shouldn't open it yet, but I could if I wanted to. But ... I want it to be a
surprise, and I want Rose to see how I react when I find out what it is! So I'm
not opening it until she's here to watch.

I ordered two more rompers and a babyish babydoll nightie from the same place
where I got my Snuggle Bug romper. One is a Tickle Monster romper from the same
TV show, and another is a Berry Girl one from a different show. The nighty is a
powder blue fairy princess with plastic lined rumba panties so I won't leak
this time. Why don't they have pony ones? Grr. Anyway, they should be here
tomorrow and I'll be all ready!

I wonder what we're going to do? We've talked about a bunch of different
things. There's a new movie I wanna see, but ... I'm kinda worried about what I
might do in public around her. What if I forget that I'm supposed to be an
adult? No, really, I'm scared I might really forget that around Rose!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

Well, here I am, on the bus on the way to Riley's place again. I really look
forward to seeing her again, especially with the surprises that are in store
for her -- I hope they'll be happy ones -- and who knows? There may be happy
surprises for me as well.

I have a new backpack! I'll write more of it later. It has some of Riley's
surprises inside.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

We're on our way to see the new Snuggly Bears movie! I used to love them, and
now they're back! But OMG, there is way more to tell you!

OK first there was the package. It got here Wednesday, like I said, and I
waited until Rose got here today to open it. It was full of ... um
... diapers. I'm blushing red even though I'm writing this on the bus and
nobody can see what I'm writing or I hope not anyway. But they were all
different colors and designs but all of them looked like what babies would
wear, and they were all big enough for me. I didn't know anybody made anything
like that! Rose said that she didn't want me going all super little like I did
before without having one of them on. She also said that she got this variety
pack so I could figure out what kind I liked best and she could figure out what
kind worked best. I think my face was glowing red, but I just looked at her and
nodded.

She also suggested we try one right now. Err then. She wanted to put one on me,
or she'd be fine with me doing it myself. I said I didn't know if I could do it
right. She laughed and said she didn't know if she could either. I used to
babysit, and she said she did too, but it's been a long time for both of us,
and of course, well, it was with real babies.

But then she said that at least if she did it, it would be at least something
like babysitting, because she'd be putting a diaper on somebody else. I had to
admit, she had a point. It wasn't like I ever put a diaper on myself, not a
real one that wasn't a pullup that worked like panties. So once again, I just
kind of nodded dumbly while blushing really hard.

So she took me by the hand and led me to my bedroom. I guess she knew where it
was because she'd seen me run back there and close the door enough. She had me
lie down on my back and then ... there was a pacifier in my mouth! I was
surprised! It fit really snugly, too. She just said, "It's all right, Honey,
just suck on this and relax. And I brought you a friend to hold, too." And she
slipped a big fuzzy Snuggly Bear into my arms! I was so surprised that before I
knew it she had my romper open and my pullups off.

Err yes, my rompers all have snaps down there. For some reason the place where
I get them makes them that way. I guess I know why now. I also guess I know why
I decided to get them from there. They just seemed to ... get it.

Anyway, Rose got me to lift up and slid the diaper under me, then I smelled
baby powder and she was fastening it on. It took no time at all. She snapped my
romper back closed and gave me a hand up. I made a lot of crinkling noises
getting up, and it kept happening whenever I moved. I stopped moving and
started again, listening for the sounds, and Rose smiled and said I was
adorable. I blushed even more than I already was.

She sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, so I sat down
there. I was still sucking on the pacifier -- I realized then that I had been
actively sucking on it without really thinking about it, and it was very
soothing and actually I was finding it hard to not just imagine her as my mommy
or at least babysitter. After all, I was in diapers and sucking on a pacifier
and carrying a big plushie Snuggly Bear.

And she helped me snuggle up in her lap and ... simultaneously popped my
pacifier out of my mouth and popped a baby bottle nipple in.

I was surprised again, but she said, "Shhh, little Riley, it's OK, drink up for
Nana," in such a soothing voice, and she held up the bottle for me and I just
kind of kept sucking just as I had been on the pacifier. I had to stop to
breathe a lot. It was all OK, though. It all felt so safe. It was magical. I
didn't know where I was, how old I was, or how long I'd been there -- I was
with Rose, and it was a wonderful place.

Soon the bottle was empty and the pacifier was back in my mouth, and I felt
sleepy and just drifted away as she gently stroked my hair. I shifted position
a bit, and she gently patted my crinkly behind. And then I ... guess I fell
asleep.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

Riley and I are on the bus, going to her movie. I am hoping that her diaper
holds up, but I have more with me. Riley still doesn't know that this isn't a
backpack -- it's a diaper bag shaped like one. Very convenient, actually.

After she let me diaper her, she got very small very quickly. I gave her a
bottle of water, and she drank it all, then fell asleep, still holding her
bear. It was an amazing, special moment. She is so beautiful, how her inner
child is just so delightfully intact. I want very much to protect her and keep
her safe.

It wasn't long before I could tell that she had wet her diaper. I was gently
patting her bottom as she slept, and it got slightly warmer in about the right
place. But not much, and the diaper felt like it was handing it easily, so I
didn't wake her up.

She actually only napped for about 40 minutes. And she wet again before she
woke up. Twice in just 40 minutes -- but then she did tell me that sometimes
she had trouble with that. She was a bit disoriented when she woke up, but I
calmed her down and told her that everything was OK, and she smiled up at me
... I thought my heart was going to melt.

She knew she was wet, but I told her I would take care of everything this
time. So I took her back to her bedroom, cleaned her up with some baby wipes
that I'd brought, and put a new kind of diaper on her, this kind decorated with
clouds, balloons and rainbows. I asked her whether she liked the other kind or
this kind, and she said she'd think about it.

Then she asked whether I'd get her more of whatever kind of diaper she liked
best, and I said yes. I said that I wanted her to be safe and secure anytime
she was likely to become so small that she might stop paying attention to her
little bladder. And whenever I was around, that seemed very likely to happen,
so when I was around, I would treat her like she was a toddler too young for
potty training. Her eyes got big, and she asked me if I expected her to be
diaper dependent.

I was a bit taken aback. I'd been talking about just when I was around, but
when I thought about it, when I really thought about what I would want if we
could be together all the time, I realized that yes, that's exactly what I
wanted. I asked her if that was something she would want -- if somehow we could
be together all the time, if she would want to need diapers, either just for
#1, or for everything. She just blushed and nodded slightly. I hope we can make
that work, somehow, someday.

I managed to get her out of the romper and into just a pair of plastic-lined
lace panties over her diaper. Riley just became this precious little toddler
right before my eyes. I actually think I have fallen in love with her. I do
need to get some more diapers, once she figures out what kind she likes the
best. So far they've all performed well.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm not real sure what happened. I .. seem to have lost my mind for a
while. Rose has actually got me in just a diaper and panties. For some reason I
asked her if she wants me to be a diaper dependent toddler, and she said yes
she does, and I feel all melty and full of butterflies. I don't know if it can
happen for real. But I want it.

Oh wow! This is so .. great. I feel so much like I really wanted to feel all
this time and apparently Rose has stepped into the one role that I cannot
resist. I can't help it.

I have always known I was just a toddler pretending to be an adult, but Rose
makes it impossible for me to be anything else. Ooohh I so love her. I feel so,
strange to have these kinds of feelings for a woman, but I do. If she will
allow it, I will try to talk with her about being my Nana ... or better yet
... mommy.

That is if I can remember to talk coherently when she's around. I so lose my
mind when she's here.

She's back. Talk to you later and tell you more.

With Love

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

I'm glad for Riley's sake that movie theaters are dark places, and that this
movie has been out for a couple of weeks already, so almost no one else was
there. We sat in the back, and that's why Riley was able to spend most of the
movie leaning against me with her thumb in her mouth. I'm not sure what her
mental state was exactly, because I couldn't see her very well and couldn't
really talk during the movie, but she was certainly fascinated by the antics of
the famous Snuggly Bears on the screen.

I will tell you that I'm glad I changed her into a fresh diaper before we left
her apartment, and I'm glad these diapers are so absorbent. They are clearly
not thin "undergarments" designed for people who want discreet incontinence
protection. No, they're thick, substantial things with a lot of that
super-absorbent chemical they put in baby diapers, and they get noticeably
thicker when wet. I put Riley in one of her sundresses so the thickness
wouldn't be an issue. But I was able to discreetly check her in the back of the
theater, and by the end of the movie she was thoroughly soaked.

The theater had some family restrooms with adult changing facilities for
disabled people, so I took her by the hand and led her to one of those. She was
amazed that the ordinary-looking backpack I had was actually a diaper bag -- or
perhaps that I'd gone to the trouble of putting together a diaper bag for
taking care of her. "That's right, little Riley, this is so I can change you
out of that soaking wet diaper and into a nice dry one," I said when she looked
wide-eyed at it. "Now how did you get so wet? I thought you were a big girl!" I
hope she didn't mind the gentle teasing.

We walked to a nearby restaurant for a bit of supper, and I suppose she
mentally grew up a little, as I wasn't about to put a bib on her and ask for a
high chair, which she wouldn't fit in anyway. I do have a bib for her, however
-- I just don't know when I'm going to be able to use it. I showed her that I
had it, there in the restaurant, and she blushed a lot, which I am finding
extremely cute.

We're now on the bus back to her apartment. It's been a pleasant day. I hope it
will be an equally pleasant evening.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I ... sort of remember the movie? The Snuggly Bears saved the world from the
evil Hug Thief, or something like that? I was very focused on it, but ... wait,
did I have my thumb in my mouth? I will have to ask Rose.

After the movie I seem to recall Rose changing my wet diaper, but I was still a
bit out of it. Did that happen? Where would she have done that at the movie
theater? I don't remember exactly. This is weird. But it's also amazing. I just
trusted her to take care of everything and sort of sank into my own little
world.

Then we were at a restaurant. I remember that, because suddenly I had to be a
little bit more grown up. She brought a bib for me! She showed me her backpack
that's really a diaper bag -- a diaper bag for me! -- and she had a bib inside
it! I blushed a lot, but she said she was just teasing me and she wouldn't make
me wear it in a public place. Unless I got a lot of food on my dress. I blushed
even more!

Anyway, now we're going back to my place. I wonder what we'll do. She has been
full of surprises today! And ... I love it! Back home I'll be even more
comfortable going into my little frame of mind, I'm sure. Why is that
happening?

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

When we got back to Riley's apartment, I knew then that she would have to come
live with me, if I can find a way to afford it. I do have some money saved from
my job, and I can afford to make Riley the perfect nursery in the upstairs
guest room. It's large, has a walk-in closet, and its own restroom ... perfect
for a nursery. I don't think I can afford for her to quit her job, but maybe
someday really soon ...

I told Riley, in a very adult manner, that it was way past bedtime for a little
girl like her, and I was going to give her a bath and tuck her in. Of course I
have already made a daybed into something like a crib. At least it has rails I
made and a plastic mattress protector that will make a crinkling sound with her
in it.

Riley stood with big eyes and sucked her thumb while I took off her dress and
wet diaper. I had filled the tub with honeysuckle bath oil and there were many
bubbles. It was so wonderful to watch as Riley actually turned into a toddler
once again. She sat in the tub and splashed and giggled just like my cousin's 4
year old.

All I dressed her in was a thick cloth diaper of a type Babykins called a
"crawly diaper." It was made of cloth and very soft. I wanted to see how Riley
liked cloth diapers. I had also bought some very cute yellow plastic-lined
rumba panties and a matching pair of booties that she would be adorable in.

By the time I had Riley in the diaper, panties, and booties and finished her
hair, she had totally reverted to her infant self. I sat in the lounge chair
and patted my lap. I said, "Come to me baby, time to eat." Riley stood for a
minute all adorably wide-eyed before she toddled over and I helped her crawl
into my lap.

I had managed to find a proportionately sized bottle, which I'd given her water
in earlier, but this time I filled it with warm chocolate milk. She seemed to
regress completely and didn't even show a spark of adult until I had her across
my shoulder and patted her back. When she burped and spit up, which was a
surprise, I felt just like her mommy. Of course while I cleaned her face with
the cloth, I couldn't help but smile and coo soft little baby things to her.

Before I put her in her "crib," I had a discussion with her about being my
baby. I really did expect her to be diaper dependent when we were together and
informed her in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to dress or undress
herself. If she did, I would spank her just like the toddler I expected her to
be from now on while we are home.

But I also don't want this to be anything she doesn't want. We have a
safeword. If I really go too far she can say it, and we'll figure out what went
wrong. My goal is for her never to need it -- I'm going to try hard to keep
track of how she's feeling. This is amazing, and I want it to last forever. I
have come to realize I want Rylie to totally be my my little baby girl. I am
even realizing that she has totally accepted my role as her Adult Mommy.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Rose had to go home, but here I am on Sunday morning still in my diapers
... OMG I'm blushing when I write that. My diapers. I'm Rose's little toddler
girl. She gave me a bath, and I splashed around in the tub and I guess lost
some track of adulthood, and then she put me in these thick cloth diapers. Then
she had chocolate milk in my bottle -- my bottle! -- and I crawled over and
... I don't remember a lot after that other than feeling just super amazing.

Rose told me later that whenever we're together she wants me to be her baby --
diaper-dependent and not allowed to dress or undress myself. I am apprehensive,
not because I won't want that, but because I want it sooooo much. Is this real?
Am I dreaming? Should I be worried that it's too good to be true? Or am I
overthinking it?

She asked me what I thought about moving in with her eventually, and I guess
she has a big apartment or something and has a room she can make over into a
nursery for me (!) and she really wants to do that. And I really want to do
it. But ... wow. I mean, there's the whole issue of money and the real
world. There's all kinds of stuff to figure out. But ... I want to figure it
out.

Wait, how do I wash my cloth diapers? I'm soaked, and they're really heavy!
Mommy, help! But she's not here! I want to start crying! But I know it wouldn't
do any good. Oh well, I'll have to figure it out.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May __, 20__

I left Riley all tucked in her "crib" in a diaper. She is such a precious
little baby. I have to have her near to make sure she's OK. When I got home, I
immediately started making plans for her new nursery before stopping myself and
thinking. She hasn't even agreed to come live with me yet. We are definitely
moving too fast. It's not just that she hasn't committed to this; I'm also
worried about the easy-come-easy-go factor. Emotions are running high for both
of us right now, but what happens when that cools down? Let's be careful.

I can still make plans without actually buying anything. Let's see ... I want
her to have a crib to sleep in all comfy and safe, but how can I actually find
something like that to fit an adult-sized baby in? I can pick out wallpaper
patterns and a carpet. What about a changing table?

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I ended up rinsing my wet cloth diaper in the bathtub and hanging it up to
air-dry before putting it in the laundry basket. I'll take it to the laundry
room with everything else tomorrow like I always do. I guess being a baby is
just part of my life now.

Up until meeting Rose I never imagined being a baby again! ... or did I? I had
my pullups and cute rompers, I guess. But I didn't really imagine being a baby
when I wore them. The pullups were just in case of potty emergencies. And the
rompers were because I liked feeling cute. And yet ... and yet I called them
pullups, even though that's not what they're called on the package.

Why in the world would I, or any other adult, want to be a baby again? I'd have
no agency, no control over my own destiny. I'd be turning my life over to
someone who is still mostly a stranger. I have to be careful. OK, sure, I don't
think Rose is a serial axe murderer or anything, but she sure is moving awfully
fast to get me into diapers and into a crib. She was even talking about
remodeling a room in her home for me to live as a baby in. What is that all
about? I haven't even seen where she lives. Is it an apartment or a house?
Maybe a townhouse? I don't know, but the point is that I haven't even been
there. We're moving too fast.

I need to talk to her. I don't like where this is going -- no, that's not
right. I like where it's going, it's how fast it's going that I don't like. I
guess I've always had a strong inner child, probably because of Mom, but that
also means that there could be other problems the closer we get. We'll see.

I still think I'm falling in love with Rose.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, May __, 20__

As it happens, Riley also thought we were moving a bit quickly. We should
probably have some ordinary date nights before jumping into anything too
committed. I'm wondering where this need comes from, and Riley isn't sure why
she needs to be treated like a baby in diapers. Some serious reflection is
called for.

Well, the unexamined life is not worth living. The question for me is what I am
learning that I need from a partner: do I want to be in control? Do I want to
be the caregiver? A parent is basically a child's whole world; is that what I
want to be to somebody special? Never mind that Riley is actually another
adult; we're talking about the roles I'd be taking on, not whether they'd truly
be real.

I've found out that there are people who make adult-sized cribs for Adult
Babies. I had already found out that there are Adult Babies, of course, though
they confuse me. Anyway, these things are not cheap; they're custom-made
furniture, and then there's the question of shipping. And assembly. And that's
just the crib. As for a changing table, that's a bit different. I'm sure a
massage table could be pressed into service. Or a longish bureau or vanity with
a twin mattress or futon on top, protected with a plastic cover. If I want a
high chair to feed Riley in, that would pretty much have to be a custom job
too. What about a stroller? A car seat? Are things like that real?

I'm getting ahead of myself again. Why do I want this? I'm only 28. I can still
have children of my own, probably, if I want. And yet I don't seem to want
that. I had thought myself fairly asexual until Riley came along, and even so,
my interest in her isn't really sexual, or ... I have to sort that
out. Whenever I think of Riley being my baby, dependent on me for everything, I
get quite ... er ... interested. Where on Earth does this feeling come from?
It's probably a combination of things, more complicated than I think, etc.

Anyway, we'll meet at that restaurant for lunch on Saturday, then come back to
my place. Riley seemed concerned that she'd never seen where I live. I'd better
tidy up.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

It's Saturday night, and I'm back home. I ... don't know what happened. I felt
... I don't know what. I had to leave. Maybe I won't see Rose anymore. Maybe
I'll feel better tomorrow. I'll have to wait and see.

OK, so Rose lives in this nice two-story row house in this pretty neighborhood
on the east side of town. She even has a yard. It's not very big. She pays a
neighbor kid to mow her lawn whenever he mows his own family's lawn. We talked
about stuff. She works for a big publishing company and handles some big-name
authors, really famous people, but she told me some stories about how hard some
of them are to work with. And she's into old movies, the kind that have sound
but are in black and white.

Anyway, then she showed me her guest room upstairs. It's pretty nice now, I
guess. But then she showed me a picture on her computer of an actual adult crib
that she found online and said she wanted to buy it for me and redecorate the
room into a nursery and have me live there, maybe all the time, and I just
... I don't know. I had to get out of there. I'm not sure what it was. Maybe
because of Mom? It was a feeling, very strong, hard to control. I think I told
Rose that it wasn't her fault, and she apologized about a million times, but I
was a blubbering mess and just had to go.

I've wrecked things. I thought about sleeping in a crib, a real one, in my very
own nursery, all the way home. And I maybe just messed that up. I'm sorry,
Rose. It's not your fault.

I'm in my diapers as I write this, and I'm using my pacifier. Rose or not, I'm
a baby now. At least, some of the time. I'm going to send Rose an email. I
don't want this to end and I want to make sure she knows that.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

Why did I have to let myself get out of hand like that? Why? Couldn't I just
have let things develop naturally?

Riley and I came over to my house this afternoon. I showed her some things
about what my life was like -- pretty boring, really. Then I showed her the
guest bedroom, the one I dream about remodeling for her. And then I'm the one
who turned into the little child, babbling on and on about what I wanted to do
with the room and, more importantly, what I wanted to use it for. I showed her
the crib I was looking at, and the wallpaper and carpet, and changing table
ideas, and even a rocking chair I wanted to get, and suddenly Riley got very
upset.

She apologized several times and said it wasn't my fault, and I apologized
several times too, but she still said she had to go home. She was crying to the
point of sobbing. I just wanted to hold her and make it all right, but I'm
guessing there's some kind of issue there from something in the past. This just
highlights the fact that we don't really know each other that well yet. We
can't jump into anything.

I was extremely worried that that was the end. I wasn't going to be able to
sleep. But then I got this email from Riley. She said she doesn't want to break
this off. She has something she needs to work through. I trust her. I'm
patient. I'm less worried. I can sleep now.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I'm still emailing Rose more than once a day, even after what happened
Saturday. I am so scared, then again I have no idea why. I guess I have always
sorta known I was still an infant inside ... but Rose has this ... I don't know
what to call it, but she makes me go to such a small little place, and I have
such a very hard time resisting.

Sorry, that's a lie ... I don't have a hard time resisting ... it's that I
don't want to resist. Something inside of me knows she's ... Mommy and is very
safe and content with that. I have found that I need to wear diapers more and
more often ever since Mommy ... I mean Rose, said she wanted me to be diaper
dependent. When I go to work, and I'm daydreaming about her, I sometimes find
myself letting go and wetting myself, and those pullups really aren't good
enough for that. I'm lucky I haven't leaked yet, but I've been having to change
two or sometimes three times during the day. I wish I had more of those rainbow
and unicorn diapers so I could wear one of those every day, but then I might
have to change them, which is hard to do, especially discreetly, without anyone
hearing. And that just makes me think about Rose changing and dressing me.

Rose suggested we go on another date. OMG!! That thrills me sooo much. There's
no doubt in my mind now that I am falling seriously in love with Rose. I really
really want ... well, whatever she wants.

She told me we are going to that new arcade area that just opened -- it has
attractions for all ages, they said. I'll wear my powder-blue romper that zips
up the back. I know my diaper will give me a really poofy butt, but toddlers
always have a poofy butt. LOL! Besides, I know Rose will love it.

Gotta get ready for my date. OMG!! I'm actually being taken to the playground
by ... Mommy.

With love

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, May__, 20__

I finally quit playing around and told Riley I was taking her to that new
"arcade" park. I know there are things in there that will bring out whatever
little girl is in her so I can be Mommy.

After all she has said about wanting to be with me like that, I guess it's time
to actually see if the Mommy mindset works better. I'm just going to wear a
simple print dress, sort of like what my own mom used to wear when I was
growing up, and a pair of flats.

I'll be getting to the stop at the Arcade in a few minutes. I told Riley to
meet me at the Dozgenhogs Ice Cream shop at the entrance. I do so hope today
turns out the way I'm imagining. I packed the diaper bag with all the things a
little girl like Riley will need for an outing like this. I even brought along
a couple of changes of outfit just in case -- I discreetly checked out her
clothing sizes when I was at her place last. I'm sure Riley will love them,
too. They will be so adorable on her.

Will have to get back to this later -- am at the stop now.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Mommy said to sit down and play on my tabby thingie so that is what I am
doing. I am so nervous because when Mommies go away that is when they don't
come back but I can't think about that because this is Rose Mommy and not my
own mom and Rose wouldn't do that so I am doing this so I don't think about
that.

I keep finding myself wetting my diaper without thinking about it and then Rose
asks me if I wet and I don't know how she knows but then I think what if I wet
and didn't even know it happened or maybe didn't even know what being potty
trained was and then I get very blushy and Rose asks why I'm all red and I
can't tell her because people are around.

There are games like whack a mole and I used to love that game and I can't
believe they have that here. I get so intense and giggly and it's so much fun
that I don't even feel sorry for the poor moles but why should I because
they're just fake moles not real at all. What if the real moles saw people
whacking fake ones, I wonder what they would think, but they probably don't
even know those things are supposed to be moles because they don't even look
like real ones.

They have these jump ropes too with things in the handles that count how many
times you jump and you try to get a high score before you trip and I used to be
real good at jumping rope but then I get confused and think that was back when
I was older and I'm not as big now which doesn't make sense but then I just
wonder why it has to make sense and then I relax and have fun.

There is a daycare here where the really little kids can play with soft toys
and stack big soft blocks and I really really really want to go in there but
part of me says it would be really really really bad because I am so much
taller than the other little kids and the people in charge might get mad and
not let us stay but then I decided to let Mommy decide and felt lots better
because then I don't have to worry about it. I didn't get to stack the soft
blocks but that's Mommy's decision and it's ok.

Am I wet again? I think I'm wet again. Mommy makes sure I get lots of juice or
water to drink. But it's always in a cup with a straw. Sometimes I am wishing
it could be in a bottle but that's Mommy's decision again. Sometimes I wish I
didn't know that drinking lots of juice and water leads to wet diapers. Do you
ever wish that you didn't know things? Mommy is back now.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

I am taking Riley back home to her place, because I can't in good conscience
let her take the bus in her current mental state -- which is very happy, but
very very regressed. I'm not sure she could count to 10 at the moment. If
anyone asks, I'm just going to tell her that she had a bit too much to drink --
which technically isn't a lie, because she drank lots and lots of water and
apple juice and soaked her diapers until I ran out. I think the one she's in
will last until we get her home, though.

When I left to use the facilities, she was a very good girl and played on her
tablet until I came back, but when I did, I may have learned something. She
just jumped up, almost dropping her tablet on the ground, and hugged me and
babbled something about how she "didn't want Mommy to go away ever again
because Mommy might never come back." When she's in an older mental state I'm
going to ask her about that. I suspect it might have something to do with a few
of the issues she has with our relationship.

I hope Riley still has enough diapers left over. I need to find out which kind
was her favorite so I can get her some more. Or maybe she likes more than one
kind. That would be fine too. Why can't I be there whenever she needs a diaper
change or needs her tears kissed away? I have to settle for sometimes. It would
be so nice if she could always be there -- but then real life gets in the
way. That's always the way it is, isn't it?

We're almost to her place. I'm going to make sure she gets inside, and then,
well, I didn't bring anything for staying over. I might watch something
childish with her and look after her for a little while, but I have to go home
to sleep. How do I do that to her? I suspect her mother may have left her at a
young age, and I don't want her to feel that about me. I have to think of a way
to make it clear to Riley when she's little that Mommy is always there for
her. But how?

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Rose is my Mommy and I know it for sure now but does that mean she will leave?
No, bad Riley, thinking like that is bad. I woke up this morning in my daybed
that Mommy had turneded into a crib. Is sooo neatos too. Was soaked too, but
plastic pannies kept me from leaking and wetting the bed. I blushed so hard
when she said it was ok for a little girl like me to wet the bed now and then
because it would tell me that I am supposeda be in diapers.

I don't kinda remembers too much about coming home and being put in bed. When I
woke up was in just a diaper and plastic pannies ... and was wet. I do remember
several times Mommy saying I should think about letting go and going poopie in
my diaper too. No need for me to hide the fact I am not old enough for potty
training. I ... I .... My tummy felt so weird when she said that. Kinda like
butterfys in it. And I think she showed me pictures of diapers and askeded
which ones I like bestus?

When I waked up Mommy was gone and I almost cried because well you know. But
ooo Mommy lefted me a message on my Tabby where I saw her and she talked to me
and telled me she loved me and was gonna see me again soon. And and and Mommy,
she said, she left this button on my Tabby. Is partta Hungups called: Head Leaf
Video Chat. All baby gots ta do is click on the picture of Mommy an it connects
me to her. Is soo neatos. Now baby can chats wif Mommy wen ever she needsa.

Gotta get up and change my wet diapers. Sooo wish Mommy had stayed over night
... baby needs her. Maybe issa good time to push that button?

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May __, 20__

I did everything I could, and for once it was good enough. Riley was able to
get my message and understand that she was supposed to push the button to call
me! She was a babbling little angel who I'm sure needed her diaper changed, and
I was sad that I couldn't be there for her and said so, but she said she would
be OK.

I know she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I can't let myself
forget that she lived on her own for years before we ever met. She will be all
right, I am trying to convince myself. But I am still worried about my little
girl.

It turns out that there are two different diaper brands that she liked, and
none of the ones in the sample pack really performed poorly, so it's really
down to her preference. She liked the rainbow and unicorn ones -- those are
cute but also really thick; I don't think there's any way she could get away
with those at work. Luckily she also liked the ones with the lavender flowers,
which are quieter and not as thick. Maybe we've got a plan here -- the flowers
ones for when she's pretending to be a big girl, and the rainbow and unicorn
ones when she's relaxing and being her little self.

Now, I know baby girls do more than just wet in their diapers, so there are
likely going to be times when the insides of those diapers are nowhere near as
pretty as the outsides -- but that's all part of being a baby, and changing
them is part of being a Mommy. I did tell her that sometimes babies have to do
that in their diapers, and it's perfectly OK, and Mommy expects it to happen,
because it's normal. She blushed a lot. I think she's embarrassed about that,
and who can blame her? But I will not have her doing herself harm trying to
hold it in when she shouldn't.

There. I've ordered her some of each kind her two favorite kinds of diaper, to
be delivered to her door in plain boxes. I hope they get there before she runs
out of all the samples. And no, I can't help imagining that someday her door
and my door will be the same place. But I'm not pushing her. I think that
helped scare her before.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

OMG! I got home from work today and found two HUGE boxes at my door! Rose
ordered something for me. I called her, and she told me I could open them. She
got me a gigantic supply of diapers! I think there are more than 100! She must
think I'm going to use all of these -- and, OMG, she's probably right, and I'm
blushing so much right now, you don't even know.

I've been trying to make it by at work with these pullups, as I've said before,
but they really don't cut it. One of the kind she sent me might be a good step
up -- or, well, down. These flowery diapers aren't that thick, and they don't
crinkle very much at all, especially underneath clothes. My problem is that,
well, I can take the pullups down to use the potty at work, but I can't do that
with these diapers. I guess I can undo the tapes on one side. Or ... OMG I'm
blushing again ... what if I just don't use the potty at work? But then I'd
have to change in the restrooms at work, and that's just ... not fun. If there
were a baby changing room that locked, maybe ... and maybe Rose could visit and
change me ... but that's not the way things are.

Speaking of using the potty at work ... umm ... I really don't want to go
number two in my diapers -- definitely not at work, anyway.

Gotta go and pretend to be a big girl. My tummy feels sooo strange too.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Friday, May __, 20__

I got an email from baby Riley. She is so adorable when she is writing to
me. Apparently my more maternal way of dealing with her is paying off. I'm not
really sure what's happening here, but I can tell one thing very plainly
... I'm falling hard for that little toddler girl.

It seems that today she wore one of the diapers I sent her to work -- one of
the quieter and thinner kind, though none of them is really as thin as those
pullups she was wearing. But it does my heart good to know that she's
protected. Also, the fact that she's wearing the ones I sent her makes me feel
a little bit like I'm with her, like I'm helping her out even though I can't be
there.

I do so want to be there for her and help change and bathe her. I love how
little she becomes for me. It melts my heart to know this little toddler trusts
me and even has started calling me Mommy in the emails.

We are going to have another get together at her apartment tonight. I'm going
to insist she use her diaper like a good little baby should.

Will get back and tell how it went.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

That was very intense and I don't know how I feel aaaaaaaaa

OK so Rose came over with groceries and did some cooking in my kitchen. Then
she sat me down in my chair at the table and put a bib on me (!) and she said
the rules were that I had to keep my hands at my sides, and she fed me mashed
potatoes and applesauce and a casserole thing she made. I had to let her feed
me and some of it got on my face and I felt soooo teeny tiny little. OMG.

After she cleaned my face off (yes I got food on my face like a baby, shut up)
she sat me down on the couch and gave me a bottle of warm milk and I just
closed my eyes and drank it. I had to stop to breathe sometimes (I looked this
up; babies can breathe and drink at the same time but when we grow up the
structure of our throats changes and we can't do it anymore) but it was just
bliss ... until ...

Yeah I started to feel funny in my tummy and I started to try to get up so I
could go potty but Mommy I mean Rose seemed to know what was happening and just
said shhh baby it's OK, it's what your diapers are for, I'll take care of it,
and she just kept holding the bottle for me so I kept drinking it to keep my
mind off what was happening.

At some point I must have finished the bottle and she just switched it for my
pacifier but I didn't notice ... I didn't know what to do but my body just kind
of took over and um, pushed stuff out, and it seemed like it just kept coming,
wave after wave, as I lay there on the couch with my back over Mommy's lap. I
was blushing so hard but then I just sort of ... went away. I think I was
giggling and babbling. Mommy took some kind of plastic covered pad thing outta
her diaper bag and put it under me and changed me there on my own couch and got
me all super clean and got a new diaper on me and I just felt so very very tiny
and helpless and I can't believe I did that and I love her so much.

Mommy said she wishes someday I could be little like that all the time and
never be grown up and wow, I really really wish that too, but I don't know if
it can really happen. Maybe we can come close to it, though?

Anyway she had to go home but she cleaned everything up and put everything away
and she's coming over again tomorrow. I'm in my sorta-crib and I'm supposed to
be sleeping but I had to tell somebody so I told you, Diary!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

Going to see my baby girl again. I'm not sure what we're going to do today, but
it doesn't really matter. Just spending time with her is a joy. I didn't know
this, but she told me she's made her own clothes before, although the baby
clothes she had before we met were things she'd bought online. She said there
weren't patterns for things like that, not patterns you can buy in craft stores
anyway, and scaling up patterns for babies isn't quite as easy as you'd
think. Otherwise it would be simplicity itself for her to have every baby
outfit she ever dreamed of. Besides, she doesn't have a sewing machine.

And after she told me that, she just kind of got quiet. I'm going to talk to
her about that today, if I can find a way to do it delicately. I don't want to
upset her. The thought of her crying because of me -- again, I mean -- breaks
my heart. Seriously, I don't want her to be upset. But I want to know what the
problem is, so I know what to do to avoid it.

The bus is almost to her stop -- I will continue later.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Today was a beautiful day -- though there were some tears too. Mommy -- I'm
going to be calling her that so I might as well do that here too -- said she
wanted to know whether there was some kind of issue with my real mom so I told
her about it. How Mom left us all alone when I was just 5. I was the youngest
one too. Dad had to take care of us all by himself, though Aunt Lucy helped
some and so did Grandma. But they live far away so they couldn't always be
there, and we couldn't always go to stay with them. Anyway, mothers have always
sorta been something that was there for a while, but then went away, and you
never saw them again, you know? I guess it's not like that for everybody, but
knowing that doesn't really change how it was for me.

Mommy said that isn't what's going to happen. She's going to be here for me as
long as I want her to be, and there is a warm feeling in my heart (different
from the warm feeling in my diapers, ha!) when I think of that. Maybe she will
really be my Mommy.

She stayed all day, and we watched cartoons, and had lunch, and walked down in
the park by the riverside holding hands and looking at the duckies, and lots of
things. She took me to a special toy store where they sell those expensive toys
for kids that are made in Europe out of wood and stuff like that, and I pointed
at ones that I liked. Maybe she will get me some for my birthday! That's months
away, though.

And she fed me supper again, and I made a messy diaper afterward again, and
Mommy changed it again, and now I'm ... well ok, I'm wet again, but that
happens. I'm only a little wet, and I'm not supposed to get out of my crib
until morning, so I'm just going to have to stay in it. But these unicorn and
rainbow diapers, though, they are so good that I'm sure this one will last
until then no matter how much I soak it. I am just not big enough to make one
of these leak. It makes me feel very blushy to think that I am in a diaper that
is made for heavier wetters than me.

I do not think that moving in with Mommy would be such a bad idea now.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

I feel a bit ashamed of myself, but what the hey ... I'm the Mommy, and I
expect my baby to use her diapers. When I changed her the last time, I managed
to insert several suppositories in her bottom. I'm not real sure how long they
last, but my baby will need her diapers this weekend for sure. I'm a bit
worried now that I write that. I should know how long they last before I do
things like that. I'll be more careful.

However, I'm going to be over there with bells on to make sure she gets
properly cleaned and dressed for the day, so I'll be doing everything I can to
make up for it. I think those cute little plastic lined rumba panties with the
red lace and ruffles would be cute. Haven't decided if my baby will be in a top
yet or not. Will just have to play that by ear.

I have been looking on the net and found many baby things I know Riley would
love. But should I get them for her now or wait until her birthday or
Christmas? I just love to see her light up with glee when she sees cute things
I've brought for her. I wonder ... should I buy her a sewing machine? She said
that the one she used to use was her own mother's, and she left it at home for
a reason. Should she have one of her own?

I'm taking over the complete Busy Baby Play Center I just bought. I want to see
baby's eyes when I give it to her and it starts making that cute little jingle
it plays.

Will get back to that later.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

OMG!! Mommy showed up and had some kinda package with her. I really needed
changing too. Not sure what happened, but it seems I am becoming diaper
dependent. I ... can't help myself anymore ... and is kind of scary, but really
nice too cuz mommy came n cleanded baby an gived me a baf an alla that fun
stuffs

She had me in one of those cloth diapers that are so thick and comfy. All she
put on me were panties and booties. She even put my hair up in ponytails. Mommy
sat baby down inna livin room and handed me the package. OMG!! I openeded it
and it was the very playstation baby wanted. It started playing that cool tune
.. Ooo I lost my mind.

Not too sure what happened for a while. Next thing I knew Mommy had just put me
inna nuther diaper. Ooo my hinney feels so funny. So does baby's tummy.

Oh Oh Oh ... an got back to tha play station ... it talks!! Tells stories and
games n gives babya spelling bee.

Mommy's coming back .. gotta be baby

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May __, 20__

Just spent another day with my little toddler. She is such a joy! There is just
nothing bad about it, with the possible exception of changing those messy
diapers, but I suppose a Mommy just has to deal with that. Riley loves being
her little self, I love it, and we have such a wonderful time!

She really loved that play center. I suppose it might remind her of something
from her real childhood, or it might even be the same thing, still being
made. Even if it weren't, I'll bet someone online has one and is selling
it. The internet is amazing. And there's nothing I wouldn't get my baby girl.

Riley is just so happy when she is being her baby self -- she just lights up
and glows. I think there is a part of her that didn't get to fully develop, and
it's finally being given a chance to shine.

On the other hand, if she is her toddler/baby self too much, will she get
burned out? What if she gets sick of it and wants to stop? Will she stop
wanting me to be around? But does that even happen? Maybe I'm worried about
nothing.

One thing -- we didn't even talk about Riley moving in with me. I wanted to
just have a good time and not talk about serious stuff. What's more, I don't
want to seem pushy. If she doesn't mention it for a while, I'll bring it up
again, but for now I'm waiting for her to bring it up. I haven't stopped making
plans for what to do with the guest bedroom -- I just haven't acted on any of
them.

Laid off the suppositories this time, because I know Riley has work tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Not sure what's been wrong with my insides the last couple of days, but at
least it seems to have settled down today. Is it all the butterflies in my
tummy that I feel whenever I know I'm going to see Mommy -- I mean Rose, of
course? I'm not sure, but at least I was able not to have a poopy accident in
my diapers today. I've given up on preventing wet accidents -- those are just
going to happen. That's why I'm wearing full-on diapers at work now and
carrying baby wipes and a dry diaper in my purse. I can usually get a change
after my lunch break, and the store has family bathrooms. The last place I
worked didn't -- I'm glad I didn't have this problem then! If "problem" is the
right word.

I want to be baby Riley more! Well, I want to be baby me more often than I get
to now. I wonder if it's possible to burn out on it, though. Not that it's
happened yet, but I just wonder if I can do it too much and get sick of it.

Should I ask Rose again whether she still wants me to move in with her? Last
time we talked about it, she was kind of obsessive about it, and maybe even a
bit scary. But she hasn't mentioned it at all since then, probably after seeing
how much it upset me. But that wasn't what upset me, not really. I was just
overcome with how I was feeling. Mommies leave. That's what life has taught me
until just recently. I'm not sure how to cope with a Mommy who stays.

This department store has a baby department, and I love going down there and
looking at all the adorable clothes. I want them all in my size. Nobody makes
them in adult sizes, of course, but what if I could make them in my size? I've
been taking pictures of the dresses and shortalls and rompers. But I don't have
a sewing machine. And I'm not using ... that one either. I'm going to get my
own someday, and then we'll see a new super cute fashionable Baby Riley!

Well, gotta make it through this week so I can spend time with Mommy
again. Gonna change into my nighttime diapers and turn in early tonight.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, May __, 20__

I got a call from my baby. Apparently she wants to know if I'm still interested
in her moving in. Oh yes I am! Told her as much too. I have really fallen in
love with my little baby. I so much want to be her mommy.

I have finally decided on how to make the nursery look. I know Riley will be
totally lost in her toddler self as soon as she sees it too.

I managed to find an inexpensive sewing machine at the local fabric shop. I
found a few really cute patterns that would make some rompers and onesies if
they were only in Riley's size. I got some cloth and lace and ruffles. I think
I will give all of this to her this weekend on my mommy visit.

I can't explain what is happening to me. I have never thought of myself as a
lesbian, or even bisexual ... but the love I feel for Riley isn't sexual ... or
if it is, it is taking on a whole new form I am not familiar with.

I do find myself dreaming about what it would feel like to breastfeed my
baby. Just the thought of that sends wonderful thrills all through me. Guess
I'll have to talk with my baby about that this weekend when I see her and give
the sewing machine to her.

Sincerely

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Mommy came over and she BOUGHT ME A SEWING MACHINE. It's not a super whiz-bang
one with all the bells and whistles, but still, it's not cheap. Mommy is
spoiling her baby! She found some patterns for some onesies and things, and of
course I know how to scale them up properly, but -- and I didn't know how to
tell her this -- I already had much better ones. If she had looked online, she
might have found them -- you know, the ones I have been posting for years. But
... now I have a sewing machine that doesn't belong to, you know, the mother
who left. I can make things. And I have a reason to, because I can wear them
and have a Mommy who appreciates her baby's cute baby clothes.

We had a grown-up talk about what would happen if I moved in with her. I mean,
I have a lot of stuff. Some of it I'd have to get rid of, and some of it could
just be mixed in with hers, and some of it I'd just keep. We're talking about
kind of making a life together. It's serious, but it's also exciting! I could
be her baby every night! We'd have to split the rent, but she pays full rent
now all by herself. Would that mean even more special presents for baby Riley?
I don't know!

She also said she had fantasies about breast-feeding me, even though apparently
she isn't even into girls, so this is a different kind of feeling for her. I am
bi, but only for the right girl or the right guy. But since this whole
Mommy-baby thing started? I haven't even been thinking about that. It's like
the adult part of me has gone on vacation, except for the part of it that has
to be around to do work and handle other grown-up responsibilities. Anyway,
don't you have to get pregnant and give birth in order to breastfeed? And is
breast milk good for adult bodies? I bet there's a solution for this with
modern technology. After all, some mothers can't breast feed.

Thank you, internet -- there are things that strap on and hold a bottle at
about the right angle. I'll tell Mommy about it. Maybe she might like
this. She's fed me from a baby bottle lots of times now. (BLUSH) So I won't
mind. Maybe this would make it better for Mommy.

Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow. What if I lived with Mommy? Am I nuts? Wouldn't this
mean being Mommy's baby whenever I came home? Isn't this a big step toward not
being an adult? I mean, I'd be living most of my life as a baby, in diapers,
using them as intended, being fed like a baby, playing with baby toys, not even
thinking like an adult most of the time. Would I get lost? Would I still be me?
Or is the baby me the real me? I don't know the answer to a lot of these
questions! Nobody told me there was going to be a test!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, May __, 20__

Riley and I had fun today, and she seemed extremely excited with the sewing
machine. I wonder what sorts of cute outfits my little girl will be wearing. I
hope she likes the patterns and fabrics I found for her.

I told her about how it feels, emotionally, to be her mommy. Seems it's
something like that for her too, although it seems that it's more like her
adult self goes away and all she feels are baby feelings. I'm not sure what her
experience is like exactly, and even if I were the baby there'd be no way to
know that my experience was anything like hers, but it seems like we're both
operating on a non-sexual level with this.

Riley is still interested in moving in. We had a good discussion on how to make
it work, in terms of the nitty-gritty details. It's seeming like it could
really work. We'd even leave home on the same bus, though she'd have to
transfer to another one, but she does that all the time and isn't bothered by
it.

It's all very strange, thinking that it could actually happen. Not that we've
set a date for her moving in or anything. If we do, then I really will start
setting up her nursery. I just wish she didn't have to go to work every weekday
-- but then, I wish the same for myself. But we have to have income to survive
in this crazy world.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

This sewing machine Mommy got baby is like a toy. I mean that in two different
ways -- it's really simple and doesn't have all kinds of techno magic, but also
... I can't seem to get enough of playing with it. I made a cute romper that's
sort of blue with lots of lace. I love it ... I look so adorable in it
too. Made a nice sundress to go to work in too. I'm in the process of making
several pairs of shortalls too. The romper does show off the fact that I have
on something very bulky if I'm in one of the "baby time" diapers Mommy got for
baby.

Mentioning diapers .. I am becoming more dependent on them everyday. I used to
have pee pee accidents .. but now I am going pee pee and don't realize it's
happening until my diaper starts to get warm. It's a good thing Mommy got baby
a lot of them, or I would be wetting the bed and my panties a whole lot more.

Another thing that's starting to happen now too ... I've only had 4 or 5 poopie
accidents, but it's getting harder and harder not to when Mommy is around. I'm
... sorta worried. Mommy thinks it's the greatest thing and told me that's why
babies wear diapers. I thought about it, and yes, that's why Mommy got me so
many diapers cuz am her baby and babies wear their diapers and use them.

I'll have to get back to you later. I ... just had a huge messy accident in my
diaper, and I gotta get cleaned up. Mommy won't be here for a long time, and
baby just no wanna sit around in a messy diaper. Just thinking about it makes
me want to cry.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, June __, 20__

Riley called me on the cell and was all whiney. She is so adorably precious. I
so want her to be my baby 24/7, without a doubt. Anyway, it seems those
suppositories are doing their job well. She is starting to have fecal
incontinence along with the other. I calmed her down and explained to her that
this is the reason she should move in with me, so Mommy can make sure baby is
all clean and snuggly in her thick soft diaper.

There were also a few minutes where Riley was all baby, too. I told her that
she had two choices: either she had to wait until later when I came over to
change her, which I will do anyway, or during those times Mommy isn't there
because we don't live together yet, she will have to be a big girl and change
herself. Riley wasn't too happy about having to do it herself, and neither am
I, but .. it's how it will be for the moment. An infant Riley's age should have
an adult supervising her all the time anyway to keep her safe and comfy.

I do have to put together Riley's diaper bag, and I'm bringing her over some
neat toys I found in the specialty shop. I know she's going to like the snuggle
snake. I like the snuggle snake so much I bought myself one too. It's about 8
feet long and looks just like a big long haired persian snake, for the lack of
a better description, and it is very soft and snuggly.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I don't know how I feel ...

Mommy told me today that she has been putting suppositories in me during diaper
changes to make have poopie accidents. Without telling me. I mean, that kind of
thing can affect my health, can't it? That's ... kind of not cool. On the other
hand ... I kind of think that if she had asked me I would've said yes. But
that's the kind of thing that you're for, Diary, to tell things that I wouldn't
tell anybody else. Except maybe Mommy.

Anyway, there's also the fact that she doesn't give them to me on Sunday, to
give them a chance to wear off so I won't have a messy accident at work, which
would be terrible. I mean, I'm wearing a diaper there too, but ... it would be
a big problem. I don't know what the others would think, and that matters,
because I do need to have a job. But Mommy ... it's not fair for her to do
things like that without asking me or telling me! I'm kind of mad at her! No,
I'm really mad at her! But I'm still calling her Mommy ... I don't think I want
to break up. I'm not that kind of mad. But it's really not good to do that kind
of thing without asking. Unless ... I guess ...

Unless we had already decided that Mommy knows best, even when it comes to
things like medications and stuff. It's kind of ... interesting ... thinking
about giving someone that kind of authority. I will have to talk to Mommy about
that. Um. Then there's how this came out. I noticed her putting those in during
a diaper change today and asked her what it was, and she confessed, and she
kind of felt bad about it, like she'd been wondering if it was really OK to do
that. I think she went home feeling pretty bad. I should tell her that I'm mad,
but not that mad? Um, and I've got another messy diaper ...

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday, June __, 20__

I think I made a big mistake. I think Riley might be really mad at me. Why did
I start giving her those suppositories? Without even telling her? She's
completely right to be angry. They're medication, and giving someone medication
without their knowledge is not just wrong; it can be dangerous. I could be
harming her. I don't want her to be hurt!

OK, I just got a message from her saying that she's mad but doesn't want to
break up or anything. I think this is something we need to talk about -- in
person -- before I do it or anything like it again. I suspect that she might be
OK with it, as long as she agrees to it first -- the real problem was not
getting her consent first. It's got to do with her being a baby and not being a
baby at the same time -- she hasn't agreed to be my baby in every single way
possible, because, well, does anyone have a list of all those possible ways?
Every step she takes from adulthood to babyhood is going to be a negotiation,
fraught with complications, just like the journey from infancy to adulthood.

We'll just have to figure it out. But I think we can.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I have been wetting myself without realizing it more and more often at work
lately. I mean, it's not a big problem, because the diapers I wear to work are
really very good, but I just worry. Mommy's not there to check me or change
me. How will I know if I'm about to leak? I haven't leaked so far, but what if
I do? So far I haven't had any poopie accidents at work yet. I hope that never
happens.

I've been making myself more onesies -- the new one has lap shoulders and
ruffles across the seat. And ... everything I'm making has a built-in pacifier
strap with a snap on it. I do that because, well, it emphasizes the fact that
this is something that a baby girl who uses pacifiers will be wearing. It's
expected -- like making everything with extra room in the seat because a baby
girl who needs thick crawly diapers will be wearing it.

I made myself a dress, too, pink and white with short puffy sleeves and an
empire waistline. It's more like a cross between a dress and a shirt, because
it doesn't cover my diapers at all. I wanted it to be something Mommy could put
me in while I'm at home playing. I know she likes me to be topless in just a
diaper, but I get cold, and what's more, I like to be in cute clothes! The
dress has a pacifier strap, of course!

Mommy said she wants me to make clothes that I will need her help getting into
and out of. I will have to think about that. I guess footie jammies could be
like that -- put the zipper in the back, maybe, and make them with sleeves that
are closed at the end. What if the sleeves were padded at the end, too, with
polyfill or even foam? Or what about just a baby dress that has a special panel
that attaches in the front and back and goes over my diaper? Kind of like a
onesie with a skirt, only instead of snaps in the crotch it would have a zipper
up the back. I'd have to step into it, and then Mommy would zip me up the back,
and I couldn't pull it off like a shirt. I'll bet I could make something like
that pretty easily.

I've also been making more sundresses for work. People are asking where I get
them. I've been telling them the truth -- I make them myself. They seem
impressed!

I'm waiting for Mommy to come over on Saturday so we can talk about the ...
medicine thing. It's important, but we have to talk in person.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, June __, 20__

So today is the day. I've been kind of waiting on tenterhooks for the talk with
Riley about what I've done and how that kind of thing will work in the
future. She says she's not extremely angry with me, but she is upset, I know,
and it's my fault. I can't think of much else.

I brought the usual things for her in her diaper bag, but I didn't get anything
special or any surprise treats. I'm too nervous and uncertain. I don't want her
to be upset, especially at me.

Really want her to be my baby and move in, but we have to figure out all the
little details -- and before she moves in would be better than after. I'd like
to be the Mommy and make all the decisions, but I don't know everything, and
I've proven that. I'm not perfect. Like anybody else, I do the best I can.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I wore my new romper and had to wear a diaper under so I wouldn't have an
accident. I looked so nice too. When Mommy showded up I realized I really
wanted to be diaper dependent. I loved being in Mommy's care, and the only
issue I had with poopie diapers is not having Mommy there to change baby when I
gots messy. If it does start happening, with or without Mommy's intervention,
is how it truly supposed to be ... isn't it?

I'm getting to be really confused. I know now I am not an adult, but a toddler
pretending to be an adult. Mommy wants me to be her baby 24/7. What that means
is totally letting go of adulthood and being in Mommy's care. I do want to move
in with Mommy soon as possible. Baby needs Mommy

<<<>>> whimpers <<<>>>.

Not real sure much of what happened after Mommy n baby had the infant talk. I
sorta remember being in her arms and nursing on a large bottle of something
nice and warm. When my mind cleared, I was in my playpen having the time of my
life with the new playstation baby set Mommy got me. Of course Mommy had me in
just panties and a diaper, and this feels so normal I can't believe it.

I realized that whatever it is about Rose .. she's my mommy, and I want so much
to be her baby. I have really fallen hard for her. She's been so nice, and she
gets it too ... she really really gets it.

But ... what is that about how I just kinda mentally go away when she is
around? Is she puttin something in my bottle like she was putting
suppositories in my behind? Would she do that? Sometimes I worry ... sometimes
I don't.

Ooo gotta go. I gotsa be baby for a while now.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, June __, 20__

Back at home after spending the day with baby Riley. I am greatly relieved. She
seems to be just fine. I suppose she wasn't too terribly upset at me after all
for the suppository thing. Still, I am not going to do it anymore. I don't
think she needs it anyway. There's something that just kind of happens whenever
we're together, something clicks in her mind, and she just sort of lets go of
her adult self and lets her baby self out to play. I have no idea how it
happens, but it does include making wet and now messy diapers, without need for
any interference from me.

We do need to have a grown-up talk about whether she really wants to move in,
though, and that's hard to do when my mere presence is enough to send her back
to babyland. I may have to control myself and talk to her like an adult, with
no baby nuances or anything, because we have some kind of feedback loop we get
into, and sometimes we have to talk like grownups. I wish we didn't, but that's
not the world we live in.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Wow, what a day yesterday ... I had meant to talk to her about the, you know,
thing with the suppositories, but we just got into that groove we seem to fall
into so easily, where I act little and she feeds right into that, and I feed
right into THAT, and it just goes from there. I seriously don't know what
happened to the time. I have a jumble of memories about bottles and cartoons
and playing with toys. And then the tearful farewell at the end of the night
when she had to go home.

I'm pretty sure I remember at least one messy diaper in there. Did she use the
suppositories again? I thought she'd promised not to do that. I really really
want to trust her but now there's that tiny part of me that wonders about this.

We have to have a talk like grownups, but that's so hard to do! I think I have
an idea, though. What if I ask her on a weeknight? We won't have much time, and
we'll know that, and we won't want to waste it. Let's try that.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, June __, 20__

Riley suggested that we get together and talk on a weeknight, so I suggested
Tuesday, and it worked. She even came over here, trying to break the
pattern. And it worked. For one evening, at least.

We talked about the suppository thing, and I swore up and down that I didn't
use anything like that on her last weekend. She also asked if I was putting
anything in her bottles when I was feeding her, and I don't know where she got
that idea. But of course I said no, it was just all the synergy that happens
when we both get going. I told her what I've decided: I'm not going to use
anything pharmaceutical on her at all, no suppositories, no nothing, unless
it's like ... cold medicine when she's got a cold. I don't think we need it.

But it worries me that she'd bring it up. I think I might have damaged her
trust in me, and that's one thing that we need badly. Never again will I make
decisions like that unilaterally.

We also talked about moving in. She said she's almost ready. I don't know what
that means in terms of time, but it's encouraging. I think she means she's
emotionally ready, but something's holding her back? Maybe the betrayal of
trust that I brought about? I can't believe I was so headstrong!

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Mommy -- I mean Rose -- and I talked like grownups Wednesday night. It was good
to do. We figured out how we could deal with moving all my stuff into her place
and somehow making it all work together. And we talked about the
... suppository thing. It's a trust thing, really. She swears she didn't use
one on me this weekend at all. And she hasn't been putting anything into my
bottles either. I didn't really think so -- I didn't feel any kind of
after-effects after she went home. Just really sad to see her leave. I think
... maybe I can trust her after all.

I snuck into Mommy's bedroom when I was over at her place and looked at some of
her clothes. And I am making a surprise for her. Don't tell! It's a dress! A
real pretty Mommy dress for Mommy! Like Mommies in old TV shows wear, but real
pretty. I'm gonna give it to her when it's done!

So ... I think I am gonna move in with Mommy. We haven't set an exact date yet,
but it is gonna happen sometime in the last half of July. That works for both
of us. Mommy is sooo excited! I think she has been making plans for my nursery
-- OMG, I just blushed a whole lot. My. Nursery. I can't stop blushing!

Meanwhile, something interesting happened online. I have a social media page
where I talk about, you know, being little and stuff, not under my real name or
anything, and I posted pics of some of the baby clothes I made. And people are
all wanting me to make them stuff for them! They want to know how much money I
want for them. Maybe I should start a page at CottageIndustry -- you know, that
place where people can sell custom things they make themselves? I could maybe
make some extra money.

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, June __, 20__

My baby is moving in! I am ecstatic! Elated! Joyful! Although it is not for a
month, it will give me time to get things ready. I want Riley's nursery to be
just right for her when she moves in. I want her to be sleeping in her new crib
on the first night.

I've already put in the order for a special crib just for her. It should be
ready by ... well, we haven't actually set a date, but the last part of July
works for both of us. I've ordered wallpaper and am going out to buy paint
before I go see her today. I already know where I'm getting it from and have
already picked out colors. There's some other furniture I want to get -- and
decorations, and toys, and so much more! There are going to be glow-in-the-dark
star decals on the ceiling, and I'm goin to arrange them in real
constellations.

I think she will love the mobile and the playset I'm going to have in her crib
too. The playset has a steering wheel with a cute little face. The big red nose
is a horn that makes a beeping noise. There are bells and even a play phone
that makes ringing sounds when the dial is turned. The mobile plays several
soft nursery rhymes, and it has stars, planets and moons. I know it will send
Riley right off to baby dreamland! There will be a baby monitor too, of course,
so I can always check on her to make sure she's all right.

I do so hope she likes the outfits and new toys I'm going to order for her -- I
hadn't ordered anything, but I've been shopping for weeks! I've spent a lot of
time making sure Little Toddler Rylie will be the cutest and most adorable
child any mommy ever had. I can't believe how strong the need to care for her
is.

It's amazing -- whenever I think that I'm a mommy and Rylie is my baby, it just
feels so wonderful. Now, if only I could become a best-selling author or win
the lottery or inherit a million dollars, so little Miss Rylie will be able to
be the infant I so want her to be all the time. Unfortunately, life isn't that
easy.

I will get back to this later -- I have some calls to make and people to see
before I go over to see my baby today.

Sincerely

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Have I made a mistake? Mommy is going to so much trouble to get ready for when
I move in! It's a little scary! I hope she doesn't spend all her money buying
me stuff! I want to help too!

Which reminds me -- I did set up a page on CottageIndustry, and there is
already tons of interest! I'm going to have to put limits on my orders right
away, or I'll build up a queue that I'll never be able to dig myself out from
under!

Wouldn't it be amazing if all I had to do was make baby clothes at home? Then I
could just live with Mommy and quit my job at the store and never be worried
that I wasn't contributing! That would be perfect!

Mommy came over today and was just so full of happiness and energy, and so was
I, and as soon as she got me all changed and dressed and we started playing, I
just ... went bye-bye, off into the land of baby bliss. I mean, I know what
happened, but every memory is tinged in a happy aura of glee. Did we watch
every single episode of the classic Snuggly Bears series? It feels like it, but
I know that series has 6 seasons, and there just isn't enough time in one day!

It feels like July can't come soon enough!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, June __, 20__

My baby is so silly. I got a call from her on the app I set up. It made me so
happy when she called up all snively and whimpering over, get this, the potty
monster. I had a very hard time not laughing, but I didn't want to hurt Riley's
feelings nor did I want in anyway to disrupt this.

I went over to see her, she sounded so helpless. When I got there, I have a key
to her apartment same as she has a key to mine, I unlocked the door and walked
in, she was in just a diaper and sitting on the floor next to the bathroom
door. She had her thumb in her mouth and kept peeking around the door, then
jerking back in terror.

I called her baby as I got down on my knees and held out my arms. OMG!! She is
so precious, as she got up off the floor the exact same way my friends toddler
does and toddled over to me and hugged me. My heart melted.

I helped her over to the sofa and cuddled with baby and questioned her as to
why she was afraid of the bathroom. In the cutest sniveling voice she told me
was because she had to use the potty. I said to her that she knows she's way
too young to be potty trained and should use her diaper like a good baby. She
looked at me with those eyes ... I could get lost in them so fast, then I
realized what she meant about going to the bathroom. I of course cleaned and
rediapered baby, fed her a night time bottle , then tucked her into the
kind-of-crib I made for her so long ago. I knew it wouldn't be very much longer
before she would be totally in my care.

With Regards

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I ... think I might have called Mommy over in the middle of the week, which I
hope she doesn't mind. The more I think about being with her, living with her,
the harder it is to wait. And I'll bring my sewing machine, and maybe I can
even make enough money that I can afford a nice big one with all the features!

I've already sold an order -- I made a nice onesie for someone out there in
Internet land, and they paid me money! I got paid to make baby clothes! That's
amazing! I have to focus a bit and think about how much I'd have to do in order
to make money at this. I'd have to ... hmm, I'd have to sell something every
day, on the average. But two things one day and nothing the next would be
fine. But that means I'd also have to be making something every day, on the
average. And shipping something out every day, on the average. Hmm, and there's
probably some kind of taxes too. This could get a little complicated. I still
want to do it, though! I can't wait to tell Mommy about this!

Anyway, I think I was afraid of the potty or something. I'm told that I was
like that when I was really little. I thought it was some kind of monster, and
it made me afraid to get potty trained. I guess I got over it, though -- until
last night. I suppose that little part of me is still afraid of the
potty. That's ok, though -- once Mommy is keeping me in diapers all the time,
the little part of me won't have to worry about it ever again!

I called Mommy on the tablet app today and said I was sorry I called her over
because I didn't mean to mess up her evening. But she wasn't upset at all! She
said it was wonderful and fun and lovely and she wished it would happen every
night -- well, without the bus trip here and back. But soon there won't have to
be a bus trip!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, July __ , 20__

Little Riley managed to make it to the weekend without having to call Mommy
over again. I don't know whether to be proud of her or miss her, but I'm going
to see her today as usual. I'm going to show her some of the plans I have for
her new nursery -- not everything, of course, because there have to be a few
surprises! But I want to make sure she's liking what I'm doing so far. I don't
think we can assume that I know her so perfectly well that she'll like
absolutely everything.

The first steps are done. The walls are painted, in nice shades of pink and
golden yellow. The wallpaper is next. They tell me that the crib, high chair
and changing table are coming along on schedule. Once the wallpaper is done,
then I can have the carpeting put in.

It is so hard to work out how to fit everything in the nursery! With the crib,
changing table, toy box, vanity, and the rocking chair I want to have so I can
hold baby and rock her ... well, the room isn't that big. I think I've found a
way to arrange everything, but it will just barely all fit and be usable. I do
so hope Riley likes it!

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I have come to the realization mommy .. is mommy. Ever since baby met her onna
bus goin to tha party that day, I been realizing amma baby. Thought alot about
mommy using positories on baby too. Amma baby an am supposesa do that
normaly. Is mommy want baby ta be diaper dependant, seems that's what's
happening. I've given up tryina stop pee pee the diaper. I can't. Don't even
know it's happening now. OMG!! And am starting to have poopie accidents. Ewww
.. yuuk. Makes baby wanna cry thinkna it. Even havin small ones at work.

I have a really cute playsuit an gonna wear over to mommys. She told baby she
hasa huge surprise for me. I am so excited. Am leaving the house soon and baby
gots a nice bag ta go wifs me wifs alla my stuffs am taking to mommy's house
tonight.

With Tonsa baby love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, July __, 20__

I'm very worried about my baby. Riley came over and saw the work I'd been doing
on her nursery so far, and she clapped her hands and jumped and squeaked a lot,
even though the only furniture in there so far was the rocking chair. But then
... she got very quiet and didn't want to be in there. I haven't even gotten to
rock her in the rocking chair. Maybe she wants to save that until she actually
lives here. But I think it's more than that.

Maybe she's sad because she knows she'll still have to go to work and make
money. Or maybe she's sad because she knows I will. But we both have to! It's
just ... that's how the world is. If we do that, we'll be able to save money
together for the future and have enough for special things now and then. If
there were a way, I'd stay home every day and take care of Riley. But it
doesn't work like that. It's not like I get the royalties when one of our
clients manages to get onto the best-seller list, even though you wouldn't
believe what kind of copy they turn in, and it's up to me to make it into
something readable. But enough about that.

Riley wanted to stay out in the living room and cuddle there. I think ... I
think perhaps that her grown-up self wanted to say something, but her little
self was too far forward and wanted to stay out of the place that was causing
the internal strife -- which was the nursery, but why? What is it about the
nursery that's worrying or bothering Riley? I asked whether she liked the
colors and the patterns, and she loves them! I don't understand. I think we
need to talk as adults again. We should probably make sure we do that on a
regular basis, anyway, or there will be communication issues.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Mommy OMG I love Mommy so much she has such a pretty room and it's gonna be so
wonnerful an I feel so very very little in there already!

But it's so little! I couldn't grow up enough to tell her! There's no place for
my sewing machine! Not even the little one she got me! I'm not gonna be able to
quit my job and just make clothes if I can't have a place for my machine! That
means I'm gonna have to keep going to work. But I am having more and more
accidents at work which makes me worry about losing that job. Not that I'd miss
it all that much. The best thing about it is how I met Mommy through it,
indirectly. But there was no way I could express all that while I was in there!
I was upset and just wanted to hide from it.

No wanna be upset when Mommy around, just wanna be baby! All happy an little an
tooked care of. Makin baby clothes can't happen so I gotta go to wrk an stop
bein baby sometimes but if I could make baby clothes I could stay home an be
baby all time but Mommy still hafta go to work so I would be all alone but at
least it wouldn't matter if I had accidents but I'd hafta change myself but it
doesn't matter cause I can't make baby clothes cause there is no room.

It is sooooo hard to talk to Mommy about grown-up things! I just wanna go all
little whenever we are together!

Love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, July __, 20__

I called Riley and told her that we have to have an adult place and time to
talk sometimes, because sometimes there are just things that we have to talk
about as adults, even if we don't like it.

And guess what -- she said the same thing! So we got together at a restaurant
-- not a fast-food place, a nice place, and we wore adult clothes, although
Riley was definitely wearing one of her baby-type diapers underneath her print
sundress. I could hear the crinkling, though I doubt anybody else could, or
knew what it was if they did.

And finally I understand what the problem is. She thinks she can make enough to
replace her income by staying home and sewing custom baby clothes to sell
online, and she longs to stay home and be my baby full-time, but she can't do
it without a place to sew, and I haven't built any room for that into her
nursery.

But the fact is, I don't want that stuff in her nursery! She wants to be a baby
when she's in there, not a seamstress. She should have a separate place for
sewing. So I'm going to turn my junk room into a craft room for both of us! Her
sewing things can go in there, and so can my art things. Well, my art things
are already in there, but they're in boxes. It's a disaster area. It's about
time I cleaned that room up anyway. I told her about this, and she brightened
up like night into day. I thought she was going to explode into happy babbling
right then and there. But she managed to stay a big girl until we were done
with our meal.

But if she's at home all the time, who will take care of her? I can work from
home some days, but not every day. There are days when I have meetings and have
to go in to the office. I wish it weren't the case, but it is. Big-name authors
like Jill Syzygy aren't easy to land, and if we don't make an effort to show
them that we're serious, we might lose them to another publisher that does.

So I'm not sure ... can we afford to get her a babysitter? I know I'm going to
be worried about leaving Riley alone -- she's just a baby, after all, and even
though I know she's an adult too, I think she's going to be feeling like a baby
more and more of the time once she moves in. After all, that's what we both
want.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

I had a big accident in my diaper today. Ooo I couldn't help it. Am so glad I
had gotten off work and was at the last stop. Baby needs mommy so bad. OH OH OH
an mommy told baby there'sa room she gonna makes sos baby can do tha sewin n
stuffies.

I ... am starting to type and even catch myself sucking my thumb like the baby
I am. Am gonna give mommy a call. Baby no wanna seesa potty monser. Nopes no
wanna.

With much love

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, July __, 20__

Baby called me a little bit ago. She sounded so helpless too. Seems I'm going
to have to find someone to watch her while I'm not home if she stays
home. Riley is so adorable, she's afraid to change her diaper and get cleaned
up because the potty monster wont let her in the bathroom. OMG!! I'm still
giggling over that.

Anyway, I'm on my way to baby's apartment with a completely stocked diaper bag,
and one of her little rompers that I had at my place and cleaned. I don't know
what it is, but I actually don't feel Riley is old enough to have been living
all alone like this. A baby must have some sort of adult supervision, even if
we do have adult talks about things now and then.

I think after I change baby, I'm just going to dress her in a diaper and those
cute little yellow rumba panties with the white lace and ruffles. She is so
adorable in them. Have to get back to you on that. I'm at the stop and I know
baby needs mommy.

Sincerely

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Was over at Mommy's today and OMG it is so good -- there is a crib now and a
playpen in the living room and a high chair in tha kitchen and a changing table
in the nursery WOWWW I can't wait until I move in and that is MY nursery! And
the crafty room place is startin to look goo too ... there is a place for me to
sew and cut cloth and stuffs! I knows I am a baby and need my Mommy to look
after me but I can still sew and stuffs. People online are just about breakin
my website wantin cute clothes from me! I told them that I was gonna hafta take
a break cause I would be movin inta Mommy's house soon and they just gushed
about how cute an adorable that is!

I changed my website so it says Baby Clothes Made by a Real Baby Like
You. People wanna know that the clothes they get are from somebunny who really
gets it. Like ... it can have a real built in paci holder if they want. Or it
can have a zipper that locks wif a key if they want. (It is just a zipper like
the kind for suitcases. You can buy those.) I have found many different fabrics
in lots of cute baby prints. You can get a onesie that looks like it's a polo
shirt or T-shirt or even a button-down shirt on top if you wanna -- so the boys
can pretend they are big boys at work even when they're really not! I am gonna
custom order a little tag thingie with my logo on it that will go in all my
clothes so people can show it off to the other babys! I am even gonna make it
so you can get the same outfit for your plushie if you pay extra so the girls
and boys can be dressed just the same as their plushies!

Last weekend Mommy put me in the dress I made myself that has the built-in
panty and the zipper in the back and I can't get out of it and it's super
floofy, and I can't change my own diaper either, and I felt so super little!
She gave me my Snuggly Bear and I didn't want to let him go all day; I just
wanted to suck on my pacifier and hug Snuggly Bear! Except then I got hungry
and she putted me in my high chair and gave me some kind of mush that I thought
I was gonna hate but it was actually pretty good.

I can't wait to move in with Mommy! But she says that she doesn't want me to be
all alone -- what does she mean?

Love,

Riley

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Saturday, July __, 20__

Well, today is the day. My baby is finally moving in to stay! We've spent the
last few days moving her stuff -- either we mixed it in with my stuff, or we
put it in her room, or in some cases we just gave it away -- she won't need the
sheets for that old bed of hers, or the bed for that matter. We found a buyer
for it, and Riley's got a whole new bed of her own now anyway. She loves her
crib!

She's in it right now, in fact. It's been a long and busy day, so she's
tuckered out, poor baby, and it just felt so blissful to tuck her in, start her
mobile, and kiss her goodnight. I can watch her with the baby monitor whenever
I want, making sure she's OK, and if she wakes up crying or anything, I will
hear it right away and can be right there for her. So far she's sleeping
peacefully, though. It's adorable when she wakes up just a little, sucks on her
pacifier a few times, and falls asleep again.

I should probably check her diaper when I go to bed. The fact is that she's
been in between a big girl and a baby up to now, but now she's all baby, with
no need to follow her potty training anymore, at least not at home. So I
suspect it'll deteriorate pretty quickly, and I'm expecting lots of wet and
messy diapers, as with any other baby. I hope she has given notice at her job,
too, because I don't fancy her chances of staying dry or even clean while at
work anymore. She's going to be an adult at work 8 hours per day but a baby
everywhere else twice as much, day and night, so I don't think her potty habits
will be holding up.

I have been placing very discreet ads in the newspaper -- old-fashioned, I
know, but I'm looking for someone old-fashioned and very professional. I'll be
interviewing some of the ones who responded next week. Some seem very
promising. There are a couple of them who say that they are recommended by
Persephone -- should that mean something to me? I'm not sure I've ever heard
that name before, other than in Greek mythology, of course. But I am serious
about finding someone I can trust to look after baby Riley on the days when I
have to go to the office. She is quite helpless and needs constant care when
she goes all baby. I wouldn't feel right leaving her with just anyone, and
she's counting on me to make sure I find someone who knows just how to take
care of her.

Sincerely,

Rose

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

Mommy got baby a Nana. She looks like she 16 at the oldest. Her name's Nana
Pedersen and she makes me so baby. OMG!! It is so nice. Baby don't know who the
other pretty lady was, but mommy was sure excited about meeting her. She seemed
to own some sort of store or sompin, cuz she offereded ta helps baby make tonsa
baby clothes.

The other lady is sooo nice too. She petted baby onna hinney and said she no
ever found someone who accepteded baby rules tha way I did. She even askteded
is I done accepted an baby nodded an tol her yes.

No sure who she is, but affer that baby hadda big poopie accident in my
diapers. Nana Pedersen tol baby ta get useted that cuz am way too young for
pannies or potty trainin.

She comin back, time for baby ta geta baf n diaper changed. OMG!! I can't
believe it, I'm actually going to be able to be who I really ams.

With tons of baby love,

Riley

----------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday, July __, 20__

I cannot believe quite yet what and who I met and actually have watching my
baby while I'm at work. Let me explain, and this is going to sound far out, I
know.

I went to a place called 'Babies of all Ages' and spoke to the woman called
Persephone Pandemos. She's the owner and CEO of the place. She was more than
helpful and even brought in one of her highest ranking nannies, or Nanas, as
they call them. I couldn't believe my eyes when this girl who looked 16 years
old came in. She was introduced to me as Nana Pedersen, the head Nana.

I was almost ready to leave when the woman named Pandemos asked if I knew who
she really was. Of course, I replied the owner of the service.

What happened next ... I'm still getting wonderful chills and shivers over
it. Persephone ... is not precisely the Persephone from Greek myth, but it
would seem she is the sort of being that it may have been based on. If anyone
is reading this, I'm sure you won't believe me. She has this ... way about her
that makes people childlike. She made me feel so nice that I almost had an
accident in my panties -- and I'm supposed to be the mommy here.

She asked if I was going to breastfeed my baby. I answered it wasn't so
easy. There was a procedure, but it didn't always work. Persephone giggled and
had this ... wonderfully musical cooing voice. She took my breasts in her hands
and caressed them gently. After that, she told me I needed to make sure I had
nursing pads for my bras and a breast pump, because I was going to lactate
rather well and be able to feed baby. She recommended that I not do it too
often, since breast milk is very rich and high in fat. It would make my baby
too heavy.

She also offered to help baby Riley sell her baby clothes so she could be all
baby. Nana Pederson, as I mentioned, is the Head Nana and has volunteered to
take care of little Riley free of charge so she can be a toddler baby all the
time -- slightly less so when making baby clothes, but still partially a baby.

I have to get back to this later. Nana is calling me to breastfeed my baby for
the first time. I am SOOOO EXCITED!

Sincerely,

Rose

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Dear Diary,

Is so much to say I dunno how ta start! Mommy can feed me, like for real, wif
her breasts! It made me feel wayyyyy super small and I member like it happened
for 100 years but at the same time I no member at all. Hard to
scribe. BEAUTIFUL.

Nana is here for me now when Mommy gotsa be atta office place. Some days she
getsa work at home tho! I wish Mommy could be here alla time! But is OK when
Nana is here. She nice. She know lots pretty songs an can tell stories and read
me pitcher books.

Nana gotsa friend and her name is ... Seffonee? I think? She super nice an also
gots some kinna wonnerful way wif babys. She comed wif Nana the first time so
Mommy an me could get ta know her an Seffonee say to me that I am ... long
words but there is no baby like me an she help me sell my baby clothes. When
she talk to me her voice is like honey chocolate an the baby in me sings happy
songs so it is hard to listen to her. But I no think she mind. I know she want
me to be a baby alla way alla time and she love me that way. Mommy love me that
way too. I love Mommy.

Seffonee go home then but I knew Mommy was gonna be able to feed me like a
Mommy after that. I dunno how -- I just knew it was that way. Gonna be lots
more baby now than I was ... cause never gotsa be all grown up ever again
now. Just always baby. Sometimes toddler. But always some baby.

I try ta tell the babys onna net about Nana an Seffonee but ... they think I
tellin stories. They say no such peoples. But then I get emails just to me and
people say they seen them too. They believe. Is only tha special ones that gets
ta see em. Little inside for real. Said funny words like dennity
version. Outside adult no real. Baby when let go. Silly words no make sense to
baby.

Nana say is time for lunchies now. She check my diaper an change me if need it
an then we play nummy lunchies game. Then we play some more then nap time then
soon Mommy back!! I love Mommy!

Lots of baby love,

Riley

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Friday, July __, 20__

Finally the weekend is here, and I get to be with my baby for two solid days!
She will be so happy to see me, and I'll be super happy to see her! This bus
trip feels like it's taking forever, even though I know it's the same as it is
every other day.

I can check on Riley with the baby monitor anytime, because it's one of those
high-tech ones that connects to my home Internet. Nana Pedersen said she had
some of their tech staff look over our wi-fi and make sure it was secure. They
had me change my password, which I hadn't changed since I got it, so I had to
change it on every single device. What a pain, but it makes us more safe. There
are all kinds of crazy toys that connect to the wifi network, and we don't want
anyone hacking them from the Internet. Anyway, Riley is so adorable when she
sleeps in her crib -- I mean, she's adorable the rest of the time too, but I
can't see her on the baby monitor except when she's in her nursery.

She's so much a baby so much of the time now! She babbles her way through the
evening and can go for hours without saying a single real word. You have no
idea how refreshing that is when I spend every day trying to get supposed
masters of literature to write actual English. Because even though she doesn't
use many real words anymore, she still says volumes, and those volumes are full
of feeling and emotion. I can tell that she loves giving up the facade of
adulthood that she's been plagued with. It's a world she's left behind, but
it's a world she never wanted to be thrust into in the first place. And now
she's come home.

Now, sometimes she does talk in complete sentences, and sometimes she even
posts online. It's how she communicates with her customers, after all. But they
seem even more attracted by the idea of getting their baby clothes from a real
baby. The more she talks about how babyish her lifestyle is, the more they want
to buy from her. I just wish some of them weren't so insistent on her sending
them pictures. I've made sure she can't do that. It may frustrate some
customers, but we have to keep Riley safe.

This is a new chapter in both our lives. We are now Mommy and baby for real, or
as real as life allows. Perhaps it is more than most people's lives allow,
thanks to Babies of All Ages and Nana Pederson, and her friend ... Stephanie?
Odd, I don't remember, but I don't think that's what her name is exactly. At
any rate, we both have a lot of happiness to look forward to!

Sincerely,

Rose
Sunshine & rainbows,
LilJennie
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LilJennie
 
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Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 9:38 pm
Location: Boominton, Inidana

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