Put Aside All the Dithering Thoughts
February 27, 2010 by Kay · 2 Comments
I have a follow-up post to the Logos and Mythos blog in the works, but it’s turning out to be long and I’ve got typers cramp. 
In the meantime I thought I’d do another Osho Zen tarot card reading on my everlasting situation of “What the hell should I do when it comes to my spiritual life?”
I asked the universe “Can I find a place within the Christian landscape? Am I on the right track with what I’ve been thinking about over the past day?” (Which is part of what the other post will be about.)
And here is what I drew: Postponement
The woman in this picture is living in a gray landscape, full of unreal, cut-out clouds. Through the window frame she can see colors and light and aliveness, and although she would like to move through the frame–as we can see by the rainbow colors appearing in her garment–she can’t quite manage to do it. There is still too much ‘what-if?’ activity in her mind. Tomorrow never comes, they say, but no matter how often it is said, it seems that most of us tend to forget the truth of it. In fact, the one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and ’stuck-ness’ today. The relief and expansiveness you will feel once you put aside all the dithering thoughts that are preventing you from acting now will make you wonder why you ever waited so long.
My interpretation: Quit waffling and do something already!
Then I asked “But,” (there is always a ‘but’ with me isn’t there?) – “But I need to know if Jesus is God or a god or a deva or a man. Is the point nonduality or politics or mysticism or … ? The Bible is so full of contradictions and none of the stories about Jesus match the others and I don’t know who the ‘real’ Jesus is. TELL ME WHO HE IS!” (Yup, I was yelling at the universe and at the Tarot deck. Puddle of Mudd is playing in my mind again. )
And this is the card that I drew: Ordinariness
This figure walking in nature shows us that beauty can be found in the simple, ordinary things of life. We so easily take this beautiful world we live in for granted. Cleaning the house, tending the garden, cooking a meal–the most mundane tasks take on a sacred quality when they are performed with your total involvement, with love, and for their own sake, without thought of recognition or reward. You are facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations you encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on your part to be brilliant, clever, or otherwise extra-ordinary. Forget all about making headlines by inventing the latest widget, or dazzling your friends and colleagues with your unique star quality. The special gift you have to offer now is presented best by just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.
My interpretation: Keep it simple. The more complicated I make it, the crazier I’m going to make myself and the harder it will be. Keep it simple.
Why I Have Difficulty with Christianity as a Spiritual Framework
February 13, 2010 by Kay · 20 Comments
I expressed in my Inner Guidance post that I’ve been having “Christ feelings” lately. They come and they go, and they are interspersed with equally strong “Pagan feelings.”
They make me feel rather nutters.
Still, they were there and they were strong. I decided not to ignore them.
So, the past couple of days I’ve been exploring the Christian blogosphere, looking for a glimmer in the darkness; looking for something that feels right.
Instead I find stuff that makes me want to run screaming in the opposite direction of all things Christian.
In hanging out at James’ blog and reading the comments on one of his posts, I was reminded of a post I read a long time ago, so I went looking for it. This post (like it did before) took me to a few other posts which discussed the same subject:
Was Jesus wrong?
And in a nutshell – yes he was.
And ya know, if Jesus was wrong about so much stuff, I can honestly ask the question “Why bother?”
Yes, I could follow Jesus as some sort of guru; some sort of wise man. But honestly, he doesn’t compel me in that way. It’s not “Jesus the sage” that has ever called to me.
I could toss aside the historical Jesus altogether and go for the idea of a nebulous non-dual “Cosmic Christ,” but I don’t see the point in that either. Or put another way – I don’t see the point in using that terminology to describe what I believe. (It’s using a Jewish term (messiah) in a way that has nothing to do with how it was originally used.)
There is much in the philosophical mishmash that are the Old and New Testaments that I can get behind. I especially resonate with the Gospel of John. However I’m not willing to reinterpret the Bible in a way that the various writers would have disagreed with in order to continue to use the words ‘Christian’ and ‘Jesus’ and ‘Christ.’
I’d feel like I’m lying to myself and others by doing that. And I feel, like I told Laura recently, like I’m hiding from reality when I do that.
I have to believe in the historicity and the reliability of Jesus (as the Christ) in order to remain within the framework (or narrative) of Christianity (however liberal) as a spiritual home.
And I just can’t seem to do that.
Does this mean that I shouldn’t trust my inner guide? Or that I misunderstood it? Or both?
So the schizophrenic psycho continues her journey.
PS – This is the Osho card I drew tonight
The bird pictured on this card is looking out from what seems to be a cage. There is no door, and actually the bars are disappearing. The bars were an illusion, and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time.
The dawn of a new understanding – that the cage has always been open, and the sky has always been there for us to explore – can make us feel a little shaky at first. It’s fine, and natural to be shaky, but don’t let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.
Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread your wings and be free.
Inner Guidance
February 9, 2010 by Kay · 17 Comments
Over the past few days I’ve been having the “don’t give up on Christ” feelings that I’ve gotten in the past whenever I’ve wandered away from Christ as my “axis mundi.”
These feelings are so dang weird! (See my schizophrenic post for more on this weirdness.)
Last night the feelings were particularly strong and I said to myself (or perhaps to God) – “Are these feelings supposed to bring me back to the center? Are they some sort of guide or are they just my mental processes?” (They really don’t feel like mental processes. And yes, I know that makes me sound nutters to some of you. C’est la vie.)
Anywhoo … So this morning as I logged on to my blog I wondered what to write about. (I still have a bit of a blogging block going on.) And, as usual, I decided to do a single Osho Zen tarot card reading.
Here is what I drew:
The angelic figure with rainbow-colored wings on this card represents the guide that each of us carries within. Like the second figure in the background, we may sometimes be a little reluctant to trust this guide when it comes to us, because we are so accustomed to taking our cues from the outside rather than from the inside. The truth of your own deepest being is trying to show you where to go right now, and when this card appears it means you can trust the inner guidance you are being given. It speaks in whispers, and sometimes we can hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear: in following the inner guide you will feel more whole, more integrated, as if you are moving outwards from the very center of your being. If you go with it, this beam of light will carry you exactly where you need to go.
Really? Inner guide? Speaks in whispers? Integration? Moving to the center?
I’m kinda freaking out right now. In a good way, but still … freaking out a little.
On Blogging and Religion
January 29, 2010 by Kay · 4 Comments
I didn’t know what to write to start off this blog (again). Originally I was going to post some of my favorite Carl Sagan quotes, but then I thought “But that is not ME writing something. This blog is supposed to be a bit personal, it’s supposed to be honest and it’s supposed to be me.”
Still, the words wouldn’t come.
So I thought “I know. I’ll do a random tarot reading.” (I find it inspirational.) Osho Zen offers a single card reading online, so I dialed it up and here is what I got.
Man is split. Schizophrenia is a normal condition of man–at least now. It may not have been so in the primitive world, but centuries of conditioning, civilization, culture and religion have made man a crowd–divided, split, contradictory…. But because this split is against his nature, deep down somewhere hidden the unity still survives. Because the soul of man is one, all the conditionings at the most destroy the periphery of the man. But the center remains untouched–that’s how man continues to live. But his life has become a hell. The whole effort of Zen is how to drop this schizophrenia, how to drop this split personality, how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centered, crystallized. The way you are, you cannot say that you are. You don’t have a being. You are a marketplace–many voices. If you want to say ‘yes’, immediately the ‘no’ is there. You cannot even utter a simple word ‘yes’ with totality…. In this way happiness is not possible; unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.
Commentary:
The person on this card brings a new twist to the old idea of “getting stuck between a rock and a hard place”! But we are in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let my arms go and fall head-first, or let my legs go and fall feet-first? Should I go here or there? Should I say yes or no? And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once. You can’t work your way out of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with your mind. Better to follow your heart, if you can find it. If you can’t find it, just jump–your heart will start beating so fast there will be no mistake about where it is!
My husband and I were having coffee this morning and I was talking about wanting to start up this blog again. He wondered why and I told him how from day to day I wake up in the morning and it’s like I have a completely different feeling inside of me as to where I fit spiritually. I’ll wake up one day and I’ll feel Christian. Down to my toes certain that I’m Christian (if heretical). Then, a few days later, for no reason whatsoever, I’ll wake up and feel completely the opposite. I’ll feel a sort of pagan pantheism calling to me (seasoned with Buddhism). I told him that I feel like I’m bipolar or schizophrenic (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) because the feeling is so out of the blue weird. It’s hard to explain.
Then I draw this damn card!
How the hell do I let go with both hands and feet? It’s so damn scary. But then again, everything scares me.